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Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v.3

Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 3
In many countries these days, females make up over 50 per cent of the workforce, and increasingly highly skilled women are taking managerial positions. However, it is still a fact that high positions such as CEO posts are still dominated by men. Although this is not desirable, I do not personally believe that imposed quotas are the solution. Firstly, I believe companies have a right to choose the best person for the job, whatever their gender, in order to contribute to the success of the business. Forcing companies to hire, promote and appoint women could negatively affect business in the short term and even the long term. Secondly, to my mind the solution to this problem should be solved outside the workplace. Girls need to be encouraged to take more male-dominated subjects at school and later at university, and to aspire to do well in their careers. Girls and boys also need to be taught equality from an early age. This education can take place in schools and career programmes and in the home. To those who argue that quotas are a good way to initiate this change, I would like to point out that artificially imposing rules has not always had the desired effect. When governments required males and females to receive the same pay for the same jobs, employers simply changed job titles to ensure that women were still paid less than men. It is my belief that employers will simply try to find loopholes to get around any such law. In summary, I do not believe that forcing companies to allocate jobs to women is the best way to address the imbalance. Rather, it is a question of education and of changing mindsets so that those who deserve to be at the top will earn it and be appropriately appointed.
In
many
countries these days, females
make
up over 50 per cent of the workforce, and
increasingly
highly
skilled
women
are taking managerial positions.
However
, it is
still
a fact that high positions such as CEO posts are
still
dominated by
men
. Although this is not desirable, I do not
personally
believe that imposed quotas are the solution.

Firstly
, I believe
companies
have a right to choose the best person for the
job
, whatever their gender, in order to contribute to the success of the business. Forcing
companies
to hire, promote and appoint
women
could
negatively
affect business in the short term and even the long term.

Secondly
, to my mind the solution to this problem should
be solved
outside the workplace. Girls need to
be encouraged
to take more male-dominated subjects at school and later at university, and to aspire to do well in their careers. Girls and boys
also
need to
be taught
equality from an early age. This education can take place in schools and career
programmes
and in the home.

To those who argue that quotas are a
good
way to initiate this
change
, I would like to point out that
artificially
imposing
rules
has not always had the desired effect. When
governments
required males and females to receive the same pay for the same
jobs
, employers
simply
changed
job
titles to ensure that
women
were
still
paid less than
men
. It is my belief that employers will
simply
try to find loopholes to
get
around any such law.

In summary, I do not believe that forcing
companies
to allocate
jobs
to
women
is the best way to address the imbalance.
Rather
, it is a question of education and of changing mindsets
so
that those who deserve to be at the top will earn it and be
appropriately
appointed.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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