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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.6

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. v. 6
Nowadays, many children stand a good chance of staying healthy due to significant advances in technology and healthcare. However, as living standard increases, children are more likely to ruin their health by spending long hours in front of computers, not taking exercise and eating an unbalanced diet. I believe both families and schools take particular responsibilities and they can do a lot to remedy this situation. Being a role model, parents can make impressive impacts on their children. Especially in formative years when they are not aware of their attitudes and behaviours, they may imitate the adults and fall into bad habit as a result. Therefore, parents should be careful with their manner and have an appropriate parenting approach. For example, they should limit the time that children spend sitting down and should play sports with them at the weekends. They also should provide them with a range of foods which include plenty of vegetables and only small amount of fat. If children are brought up on a healthy diet and encouraged to take more exercises, they will grow into healthy adults. On the other hand, teachers also play a vital role in helping their students acquire good lifestyles. It is excessive volumes of tasks that children don’t even have a break for extra-curricular activities. To make change, schools should include regular exercise in their timetables, with activities such as physical education and compulsory sports. Further, schools should promote programmes about healthy eating or should give courses to parents on how to bring up their children, In conclusion, there are plenty ways of educating young children about healthy lifestyle and the responsibility lies with the people who are in regular contact with them, in other words their parents and their teachers.
Nowadays,
many
children
stand a
good
chance of staying
healthy
due to significant advances in technology and healthcare.
However
, as living standard increases,
children
are more likely to ruin their health by spending long hours in front of computers, not taking exercise and eating an unbalanced diet. I believe both families and schools take particular
responsibilities and
they can do a lot to remedy this situation.

Being a role model,
parents
can
make
impressive impacts on their
children
.
Especially
in formative years when they are not aware of their attitudes and
behaviours
, they may imitate the adults and fall into
bad
habit
as a result
.
Therefore
,
parents
should be careful with their manner and have an appropriate parenting approach.
For example
, they should limit the time that
children
spend sitting down and should play sports with them at the weekends. They
also
should provide them with a range of foods which include
plenty
of vegetables and
only
small
amount of
fat
. If
children
are brought
up on a
healthy
diet and encouraged to take more exercises, they will grow into
healthy
adults.

On the other hand
, teachers
also
play a vital role in helping their students acquire
good
lifestyles. It is excessive volumes of tasks that
children
don’t even have a break for extra-curricular activities. To
make
change
, schools should include regular exercise in their timetables, with activities such as physical education and compulsory sports.
Further
, schools should promote
programmes
about
healthy
eating or should give courses to
parents
on how to bring up their children,

In conclusion
, there are
plenty
ways of educating young
children
about
healthy
lifestyle and the responsibility lies with the
people
who are in regular contact with them,
in other words
their
parents
and their teachers.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both school and parents are responsible for solving this problem. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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