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It is better for children if the whole families (e. g. aunts, uncles and grandparents) are involved in the children's upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. Give your opinion? v.3

It is better for children if the whole families (e. g. aunts, uncles and grandparents) are involved in the children's upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. Give your opinion? v. 3
It is highly debatable issue whether children should be raised in joint families in which aunts, uncles and grandparents contribute in bringing up children or by parents alone as in nuclear families. Although, a joint family has many advantages, I firmly believe that a nuclear family is better at raising children. To begin with, in a nuclear family, parents can bring up children with their own set of values and principles, without any interference. This is something that can be easily established in a nuclear family, wherein the child only has to follow one set of rules, and is not confused with varying opinions. For instance, if a person's values are not that traditional, and he wants his child to be more broad-minded, he may not be able to do so in a joint family. Secondly, there is more space for individuality and self-expression in a nuclear family set-up. Nuclear families make the child more self-reliant and decisive, for example, instead of depending on a large number of family members to make decisions and take action. This independent streak can come in handy, as the child grows into an adult and has to make many decisions himself Moreover, communication channels between the child and parent can also be more open and transparent, in a nuclear family, as parents have their attention focused on the child, without having to divide their time with too many household responsibilities. To conclude, in a nuclear family, children are reared by the parents alone. Therefore, they can instill whatever values they want with their child. They are also more independent and have better relations with parents. Therefore it is better to raise a child in a nuclear family.
It is
highly
debatable issue whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be raised
in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in which aunts, uncles and grandparents contribute in bringing up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
alone as in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Although, a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages, I
firmly
believe that a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is better at raising children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can bring up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
set of values and principles, without any interference. This is something that can be
easily
established in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, wherein the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
follow one set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, and is not confused with varying opinions.
For instance
, if a person's values are not that traditional, and he wants his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to be more broad-minded, he may not be able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in a joint family.

Secondly
, there is more space for individuality and self-expression in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
set-up. Nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
more self-reliant and decisive,
for example
,
instead
of depending on
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions and take action. This independent streak can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in handy, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
grows into an adult and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
decisions himself
Moreover
, communication channels between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
can
also
be more open and transparent, in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have their attention focused on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, without having to divide their time with too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
household responsibilities.

To conclude
, in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are reared
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
alone.
Therefore
, they can instill whatever values they want with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. They are
also
more independent and have better relations with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it is better to raise a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for children if the whole families (e. g. aunts, uncles and grandparents) are involved in the children's upbringing, rather than their fathers and mothers only. Give your opinion? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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