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Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. v. 4
Hobby is enjoyable, if it is difficult in some way. Most of the people believe that and my personal opinion too. Every individual has their own habits and they are directed towards the repeated actions, which they like. On the other hand, easy task would help them to continue their favourite practices. Let’s have a discussion, how hobbies contributes in our personal life and the difference between the enjoyable hobby and the difficult task one, could it keep us interested? Firstly, every different tasks with the same favourite activity, encourage us to continue without skipping it. Secondly, a different approach always helps to keep the activities live. For Instance, swimming practice can be done in a pool, but repeated action makes you feel boring and if you change the location, such as river or sea shore, which will be more difficult and help you to be more interested in your activity. Finally, the same activity with varied task could be more attractive and I agree on that. On the other, it is worth mentioning, too much heavier task would lead to skip your hobby. For example, one of my neighbourhood named Ramesh was interested in exercise on a routine basis and he was obese. He joined a gym club, he thought his interest would be fulfilled as well as help to reduce weight. After a few months, he experienced difficulties to do the task and finally give up. It is a balanced action and it should be managed well. A hobby should be more interested and make us happy, which could be done by including various task, at the same time it should not heavier, which would lead to skip. I could not agree on both the extreme, a balanced condition could be better.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hobby
is enjoyable, if it is difficult in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that and my personal opinion too. Every individual has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
habits and
they
are directed
towards the repeated actions, which they like.
On the other hand
, easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to continue their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
practices.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s have a discussion, how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
contributes in our personal life and the difference between the enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
and the difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
one, could it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us interested?

Firstly
, every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
with the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, encourage us to continue without skipping it.
Secondly
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approach always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For Instance
, swimming practice can
be done
in a pool,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
repeated action
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you feel boring and if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the location, such as river or sea shore, which will be more difficult and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you to be more interested in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Finally
, the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
with varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
could be more attractive and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on that.

On the other, it is worth mentioning, too much heavier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
would lead to skip your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
.
For example
, one of my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
named Ramesh
was interested
in exercise on a routine
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
basis and
he was obese. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a gym club, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
his interest would
be fulfilled
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
weight. After a few months, he experienced difficulties to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
and
finally
give up. It is a balanced action and it should
be managed
well.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
should be more interested and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us happy, which could
be done
by including various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
, at the same time it should not heavier, which would lead to skip. I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on both the extreme, a balanced condition could be better.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that in order for a hobby to be enjoyable, it needs to be difficult in some way. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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