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Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.3

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 3
Some would argue that progress in diverse areas are required for country, while others opine that more attention need to be focused on country’s economic development. Although economic growth has much of importance, I strongly believe that a country will be sustainability developed if it is enhanced in all political and social fields in addition to economic one. There are three key reasons why economic growth is seen as a fundamental goal for countries. Firstly, the more economy grows, the more job opportunities create and the higher salary is given to citizen. Take North Korea, which its economic development has been retarded by international sanctions for almost a 20-year period, for example. A large number of its inhabitants has been suffering from lack of enough vacancies and also experiencing some difficulties in international trading. Secondly, economic progress ensures the availability of high amount of financial resources for government so as to be spent on infrastructure and public services such as transportation, public health, insurance system etc. Finally, an economically developed country benefits from its wide economic relations with other countries, resulting in great influential political relations. On the other hand, it is too narrow as an approach to limit development concept just into economic progress. From the social science point of view, social welfare and environmental concerns are two suitable factors can measure how a society is developed. Welfare concept includes all political, social, economic and cultural conditions. How much a society and a government respect to the human rights, personal freedoms, social security and democracy not only are in same importance as economic factors but they also are driving forces behind any sustainable economic success. Furthermore, a society is developed, to whom environment protection means everything and therefore all developments have to be environmentally sustainable. To recapitulate, economic development of a country seems worthwhile; nonetheless, different sorts of progress such as political and social are as significant as economic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
in diverse areas
are required
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, while others opine that more attention need to
be focused
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth has much of importance, I
strongly
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be sustainability
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
if it
is enhanced
in all political and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
fields
in addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
one.

There are three key reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a fundamental goal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Firstly
, the more economy grows, the more job opportunities create and the higher salary is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to citizen. Take North Korea, which its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
has
been retarded
by international sanctions for almost a 20-year period,
for example
.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
its inhabitants has been suffering from lack of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
vacancies and
also
experiencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties in international trading.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
ensures the availability of high amount of financial resources for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
be spent
on infrastructure and public services such as transportation, public health, insurance system etc.
Finally
, an
economically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
benefits from its wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
relations with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, resulting in great influential political relations.

On the other hand
, it is too narrow as an approach to limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
concept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
. From the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
science point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
welfare and environmental concerns are two suitable factors can measure how a society is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
. Welfare concept includes all political,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
and cultural conditions. How much a society and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
respect to the human rights, personal freedoms,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
security and democracy not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are in same importance as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
are driving forces behind any sustainable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
success.
Furthermore
, a society is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
, to whom environment protection means everything and
therefore
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
environmentally
sustainable.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
seems worthwhile; nonetheless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
progress
such as political and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
are as significant as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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