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Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.8

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 8
Governments, all around the world, have visions to fulfil and responsibilities to carry on, and they seek to achieve the overall developments of their countries for a prosperous future. Thus many governments think that economic development is the key to prosperity while others disagree with this notion and opine that many other aspects such as green environment, security, social values, traditions and peace among nations are more important. I personally believe that the economic success of a nation is an important goal for an authority, but this is not the most important one. To begin with, many developed countries have already gained economic progress and yet they are suffering from growing crime rates, hostile relationship with other nations, corruptions and outbreak of epidemic diseases. Thus the economic advance has failed to ensure a better life standard of citizens and this is a proof that only economic growth should not be the vision of a government. On the contrary, without economic stability, an authority cannot ensure advancement in education, defence, healthcare, international trade and social safety. Furthermore, economic rise requires industrialisations, dominance in international trade and the use of cheap labours from other countries. History tells us that wars are imminent due to irrational competition among nations. On the contrary, without economic success, a country cannot defend itself from external threats, fight with epidemic diseases and cannot ensure proper health care facilities to its citizens. Finally, some would say, with the economic development the country will lose its old way of living, traditional values and uniqueness as a community. But it should also be considered that change is the fundamental basis of expansion and if a population worries too much about the old ways of living, it would fail to ensure advance at a steady pace. In conclusion, there is no doubt that economic advancement should be an important goal for a government, but there are still many aspects which are equally important.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
, all around the world, have visions to fulfil and responsibilities to carry on, and they seek to achieve the
overall
developments of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for a prosperous future.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development is the key to prosperity while others disagree with this notion and opine that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects such as green environment, security, social values, traditions and peace among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. I
personally
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
success of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
goal for an authority,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
one.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have already gained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
progress and
yet
they are suffering from growing crime rates, hostile relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, corruptions and outbreak of epidemic diseases.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
advance has failed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
a better life standard of citizens and this is a proof that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth should not be the vision of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
On the contrary
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
stability, an authority cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
advancement in education,
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
, healthcare, international trade and social safety.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
rise requires
Possible spelling mistake found.
industrialisations
, dominance in international trade and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us that wars are imminent due to irrational competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
On the contrary
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
success, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
cannot defend itself from external threats, fight with epidemic diseases and cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
proper health care facilities to its citizens.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would say, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will lose its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
way of living, traditional values and uniqueness as a community.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it should
also
be considered
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is the fundamental basis of expansion and if a population worries too much about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ways of living, it would fail to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
advance at a steady pace.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
advancement should be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
goal for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects which are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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