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Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 1
It is true that several governments regard economic progress as the most critical achievement of a country. However, others believe that there are alternative aspects in the society that should be concerned. In my opinion, I support both claims as each has its own reasons. To begin with, it is undeniable that a country with a vigorous economy status would reflect the prosperity as well as bring better facilities for that nation. Firstly, when the economy development is put as top-priority, there would be more jobs for inhabitants with better salaries. Thus, it definitely might address the high rate of unemployment in many developing and undeveloped countries. Moreover, strong finance ability could help a country have a stable stand in the globe stage, therefore, influence more on politics and trading. Secondly, the authorities would have more funds to invest on infrastructure and public services, which might improve the standard of living. For example, more schools and hospitals are built, thereby education and healthcare will be emphasized. On the other hand, economy is not the only element contributing to the thriving of a country. Other aspects are human rights, equality or happiness, which have crucial impact on millions of residents. It is a moral treatment that governments help the minority groups, for instance subsidize poor children in terms of education and open vocational courses for people in rural areas that could not seek a job. As a result, residents would feel the warm attention from the competent authorities towards them. Furthermore, a thriving country should focus on the environmental sustainability. As the economy grows fast, more industrial complexes are constructed, thus release large amount of untreated garbage as well as hazardous gas into the surroundings. In the long term, this probably would adversely affect health and more epidemic diseases would appear. By way of conclusion, it is crystal-clear that economic progress is extremely vital to a country, yet it is not the main field to focus on. From my point of view, it is better to develop all aspects in one time.
It is true that several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
regard economic progress as the most critical achievement of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, others believe that there are alternative aspects in the society that should
be concerned
. In my opinion, I support both claims as each has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with a vigorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
status would reflect the prosperity
as well
as bring better facilities for that nation.
Firstly
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
development
is put
as top-priority, there would be more jobs for inhabitants with better salaries.
Thus
, it definitely might address the high rate of unemployment in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing and undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Moreover
, strong finance ability could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have a stable stand in the globe stage,
therefore
, influence more on politics and trading.
Secondly
, the authorities would have more funds to invest on infrastructure and public services, which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the standard of living.
For example
, more schools and hospitals
are built
, thereby education and healthcare will
be emphasized
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
element contributing to the thriving of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Other aspects are human rights, equality or happiness, which have crucial impact on millions of residents. It is a moral treatment that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the minority groups,
for instance
subsidize poor children in terms of education and open vocational courses for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in rural areas that could not seek a job.
As a result
, residents would feel the warm attention from the competent authorities towards them.
Furthermore
, a thriving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should focus on the environmental sustainability. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
grows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, more industrial complexes
are constructed
,
thus
release large amount of untreated garbage
as well
as hazardous gas into the surroundings. In the long term, this
probably
would
adversely
affect health and more epidemic diseases would appear.

By way of conclusion, it is crystal-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that economic progress is
extremely
vital to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
yet
it is not the main field to focus on. From my point of view, it is better to develop all aspects in one time.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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