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The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.5

The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 5
The idea that governments take the big responsibility to enhance the public service. Although, some people think governments focused on arts, music and theatre, but they disagree about this because there have necessary things can make the country perfect of service method. As I shall argue, taking control to improve the state which needs a plan of governments to achieve satisfaction to all people. Having arts in life is important to increase the rate of economic. For example, the famous people or building has taken place anywhere that can help the level of tourism increase. In addition, nowadays using music in medical would be like treatment. For example, have a large number of survey said the effect of music to relax. Governments are playing the most roles to give a good utility that led to develop the environment which helps to complete our life without any problems. If they have a satisfying life can guide a person to live more comfortably. For instance, disabled people need a lot of things assistance such as use a public transport and sometime in work. To sum up, governments should make balance to distribute the money dependent about the necessary things. However, they have the chance to increase the economy by using arts or improve service.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
take the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibility to enhance the public service. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
focused on arts, music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they disagree about this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there have necessary things can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the country perfect of service method. As I shall argue, taking control to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the state which needs a plan of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to achieve satisfaction to all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Having arts in life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to increase the rate of economic.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or building has taken place anywhere that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the level of tourism increase.
In addition
, nowadays using music in medical would be like treatment.
For example
, have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
survey said the effect of music to relax.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
are playing the most roles to give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
utility that led to develop the environment which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to complete our life without any problems.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
they have a satisfying life can guide a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more
comfortably
.
For instance
, disabled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things assistance such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a public transport and sometime in work.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
balance to distribute the money dependent about the necessary things.
However
, they have the chance to increase the economy by using arts or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
service.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
212 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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