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45. Some universities provide physical education. Others believe that physicaleducation is not necessary. What do you think and why? v.1

45. Some universities provide physical education. Others believe that physicaleducation is not necessary. What do you think and why? v. 1
Most contemporary economies allow such a model of employment as being self-employed, which appears very tempting for many. However, still the vast majority of people opt for being employed in a company and not to set up their own business. This essay will attempt to look into the key factors as to why people may prefer entrepreneurship and major drawbacks to it. To start with, in many modern societies, including Russian, entrepreneurship is greatly encouraged with lots of business seminars and workshops advertised. These may range from slightly fraudulent to genuinely educational and supportive, and generally any information on setting up a company is easily accessible for those who are willing. And willing they are, as being a business person, the image itself has a certain feel of luxury, respectability and success. People are being told that they have no limits and can easily become as wealthy as Steve Jobs is they wish it. This first reason is linked to the second, which is relevant for Russian and some other countries. Bank Loans are accessible too, and they are largely eagerly granted. If a future business person truly knows their business, it poses no threat. Nevertheless, easy access to setting up a company for someone inexperienced or insensible may cause a range of problems. Apparently, the first issue that may perplex and unskilled entrepreneur is the necessity to be a jack of all trades (if the company is very small). Having taken the responsibilities of an accountant, PR or HR manager at the same time can be a burden and make the person wish they had never done it at all. If they hire other people to perform these tasks, they must pay more tax and provide their employees with decent working conditions. At the same time, business is usually a risky matter and in our competitive reality many of them go bankrupt. And last, but not the least – self-employed people are the only people responsible for their own vacations, sickness or maternity leaves or any job perks. So, in a nutshell, being your own master has many downsides, that is why many people decide to play it safe.
Most contemporary economies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
such a model of employment as being self-employed, which appears
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tempting for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
However
,
still
the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt for
being employed
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and not to set up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. This essay will attempt to look into the key factors as to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may prefer entrepreneurship and major drawbacks to it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
modern societies, including Russian, entrepreneurship is
greatly
encouraged with lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
seminars and workshops advertised. These may range from
slightly
fraudulent to
genuinely
educational and supportive, and
generally
any information on setting up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is
easily
accessible for those who are willing. And willing they are, as being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
person, the image itself has a certain feel of luxury, respectability and success.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that they have no limits and can
easily
become as wealthy as Steve Jobs is they wish it.

This
first
reason
is linked
to the second, which is relevant for Russian and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other countries. Bank Loans are accessible too, and they are
largely
eagerly
granted. If a future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
person
truly
knows their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, it poses no threat.
Nevertheless
, easy access to setting up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for someone inexperienced or insensible may cause a range of problems.

Apparently
, the
first
issue that may perplex and unskilled entrepreneur is the necessity to be a jack of all trades (if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
). Having taken the responsibilities of an accountant, PR or HR manager at the same time can be a burden and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the person wish they had never done it at all. If they hire other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to perform these tasks, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay more tax and provide their employees with decent working conditions. At the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is
usually
a risky matter and in our competitive reality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them go bankrupt. And last,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
self-employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vacations, sickness or maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
or any job perks.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in a nutshell, being your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
master has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
downsides,
that is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to play it safe.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 45. Some universities provide physical education. Others believe that physicaleducation is not necessary. What do you think and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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