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Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinions. v.13

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 13
The rise of economic field becomes the most important goal, which is commonly point of view that many governments have. Therefore, some people believe that the other types of progress have a similar importance for a country. Generally, many governments believe that the development of a country depends on the economic side. Because the good economy will contribute to the steadily finance of the country that give an expense to fund the country’s expenditure. The expenditure will increase the wealth of people, which is the expense of education and health could be covered by economical taxes. But, some people believe that the economy, not only the one which is most important. There are other fields that should be focused as an important thing, like human and natural resources. The quality of the people decides the development of the states, which is could be increased by the education. So, the government should be gives more firstly attention to this field than the other fields, and it will effect to the programme of country development and of course, the proportion of expenses. The programme of human resources development includes building a new school from primary to higher education, the rational salary to the teachers and the training of the teachers to upgrading their teaching ability. So, I agree with the opinion that the government gives more important attention beside from the economy. Because human quality will affects the growth of the country. So, the government not only focused in one field, but made all fields are very important.
The rise of economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
becomes the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
goal, which is
commonly
point of view that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the other types of progress have a similar importance for a country.

Generally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
depends on the economic side.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
economy will contribute to the
steadily
finance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that give an expense to fund the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
expenditure. The expenditure will increase the wealth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which is the expense of education and health could
be covered
by economical taxes.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the economy, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the one which is most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. There are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
that should
be focused
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing, like human and natural resources. The quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decides the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the states, which
Did you mean "it"?
is
could
be increased
by the education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be gives more
firstly
attention to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
than the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
, and it will
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
and
of course
, the proportion of expenses. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
of human resources
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
includes building a new school from primary to higher education, the rational salary to the teachers and the training of the teachers to upgrading their teaching ability.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
gives more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
attention beside from the economy.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
human quality will affects the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focused in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
made all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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