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Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art which helps to develop quality in people's lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. v.1

Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art which helps to develop quality in people's lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. v. 1
Art in the form of literature, theatre and visual arts represents the cultural heritage of societies. Societies with rich customs in art and poetry are considered more urbane and advanced. Governments around the globe invest a huge sum of money on art in an attempt to bring eminence in people's life. I don't agree with this and believe that funding should be made on other domains that are more critical in human life such and employment, health, education and sports. Government spending money on art would be worthy only if people show interest in it, like art galleries or poetry. In few countries, sports is more appealing than art. For instance, Football, which has more followers than people admiring sculptures or other art. Secondly, with the current recession all over the world, people are finding hard to raise their families. The government in such situation should create opportunities for more employment rather than funding projects to improve the art in the society. For instance, administrator of Karachi Metropolitan spends thousands of rupees to revamp old art galleries in order to make them more stylish and modern. The same funding could have been used to improve the lives of art gallery workers living below the poverty line. Thirdly, the government should invest more on health and educational sector. There are many regions where people have no access to clean water or educational institutes. Building educational and medical institutes would bring more improvement in their life than constructing a museum to preserve the local heritage of that region. To conclude, I believe that is an unjust affirmation that art brings quality in one's life, and I agree money should be invested in more compelling challenges. Investment on art would only benefit a small minority and with time government will recognise that excellence in human lives can only be enhanced by providing decent opportunities in life, not a sculpture.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
in the form of literature,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
and visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
represents the cultural heritage of societies. Societies with rich customs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and poetry
are considered
more urbane and advanced.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
around the globe invest a huge sum of money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in an attempt to bring eminence in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this and believe that funding should
be made
on other domains that are more critical in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
such and employment, health, education and sports.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
would be worthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest in it, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries or poetry. In few countries, sports is more appealing than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
For instance
, Football, which has more followers than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
admiring sculptures or other art.

Secondly
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
recession all over the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are finding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to raise their families. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in such situation should create opportunities for more employment
rather
than funding projects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in the society.
For instance
, administrator of Karachi Metropolitan spends thousands of rupees to revamp
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more stylish and modern. The same funding could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
gallery workers living below the poverty line.

Thirdly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest more on health and educational sector. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no access to clean water or educational institutes. Building educational and medical institutes would bring more improvement in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than constructing a museum to preserve the local heritage of that region.

To conclude
, I believe
that is
an unjust affirmation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
brings quality in one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
money should
be invested
in more compelling challenges. Investment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
minority and with time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
that excellence in human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be enhanced
by providing decent opportunities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, not a sculpture.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art which helps to develop quality in people's lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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