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Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.5

Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5
In the contemporary era, the trend of endorsing the brands related to games by the prominent sportsmen has become quite popular. This essay not only discusses the possible benefits of advertising the sports products including creating awareness to the people and earn good profits. Along with that, it also discusses the negative impacts like lack of concentration on the game and can mislead the public. This essay also gives the proper reasons and examples why the advantages of advertising the gaming goods outweigh the disadvantage. On one hand, campaigning about the athletic products by the celebrities in that respective field not only creates awareness for general people on how to use it, but also to make them purchase correct goods which are best suitable for them. For instance, advertising the gear which is used for tennis by famous celebrities in that area makes individuals aware of how to use them and make the proper choice when purchasing them. Along with that, players who endorse earn a lot of money. As for each brand publicity particular company pays around 25 to 50 crore rupees for the players. Additionally, these promotions make the famous too. On the other hand, these brand promotions are making them lack concentration on the game which they are playing. Also, In the greed of earning money, many players are neglecting the sport and resulting in failure and losing the chance to play. For example, Although they get highly paid by the companies, they need to spend more time and effort on such campaigns which ultimately leads to the lack of focus and fitness to play. In addition to that, not using the products in the correct manner without having a proper idea because that was shown by the favourite sports person may cause adverse effects which might be life risk also. Finally, promoting things related to sports may have some negative like misguiding and failure in the play. Alternatively, it also creates awareness among people and makes good revenue for people who promote it. This problem can be outweighed by having a good balance between the play and advertising, also they must be careful with products which they are promoting to avoid misguiding.
In the contemporary era, the trend of endorsing the brands related to games by the prominent sportsmen has become quite popular. This essay not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
discusses the possible benefits of advertising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
including creating awareness to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
profits. Along with that, it
also
discusses the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts like lack of concentration on the game and can mislead the public. This essay
also
gives the proper reasons and examples why the advantages of advertising the gaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
outweigh the disadvantage.

On one hand, campaigning about the athletic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by the celebrities in that respective field not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
creates awareness for general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
which
A determiner is probably missing here: "are the best".
are best
suitable for them.
For instance
, advertising the gear which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for tennis by
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
in that area
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
individuals aware of how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the proper choice when purchasing them. Along with that, players who endorse earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money. As for each brand publicity particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
pays around 25 to 50 crore rupees for the players.
Additionally
, these promotions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
too.

On the other hand
, these brand promotions are making them lack concentration on the game which they are playing.
Also
, In the greed of earning money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
players are neglecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and resulting in failure and losing the chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
For example
, Although they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
highly
paid by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, they need to spend more time and effort on such campaigns which
ultimately
leads to the lack of focus and fitness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
In addition
to that, not using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in the correct manner without having a proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that
was shown
by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
person may cause adverse effects which might be life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
also
.

Finally
, promoting things related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "negatives"?
negative
like misguiding and failure in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
Alternatively
, it
also
creates awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
revenue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who promote it. This problem can
be outweighed
by having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
balance between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
and advertising,
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be careful with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which they are promoting to avoid misguiding.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many famous sports players advertise sports products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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