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With the development of technology and science, Some people believe that there is no great value of artists such as musicians and painters. What are the things artists can do but the scientist cannot? Why should we encourage the art area? v.1

With the development of technology and science, Some people believe that there is no great value of artists such as musicians and painters. What are the things artists can do but the scientist cannot? Why should we encourage the art area? v. 1
Technology has revolutionized the person’s life. However, Some people think that the work of artists, like musicians and painters, has not given much importance than scientist. The essay will discuss the way artist represent ideas in their mind to paper also why should aware people about the art area. To begin with, one of the important reasons is that the artist plays a vital role to prevent the nation’s culture and tradition, while use of the technology and science has changed the way of thinking of person as a result, they were lost their beliefs. For example, in recent years, for the communication using the technology, one should avoid meeting others personally, they make contact using phone calls or text messages; this would result in loss of emotions. Moreover, the scientist can give a new technology to the people, which would be helpful for later future, while artists can be able to give happiness to the people and rejuvenate from their routine life such as, musician will deliver the refreshment. On the other hand, art plays an important role in the one’s development. Firstly, person can represent their idea’s in the paper, so this would increase their creativity and thinking ability. For instance, most of the school was included arts subject in their curriculum, which helps people to develop their mind and helps, that in the study of other subjects as well. Furthermore, art should help to represent the emotions as the children who cannot speak can draw the painting from helps to identify their mental status. Thus, art is the area which creates the overall development of the person. In conclusion, while artist work provides happiness to others, even prevent the culture and tradition as well. This will help the development of the person and represent the emotion. The government should encourage this activity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has revolutionized the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
life.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
, like musicians and painters, has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
much importance than scientist. The essay will discuss the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
represent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in their mind to paper
also
why should aware
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
area.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
plays a vital role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the nation’s culture and tradition, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and science has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way of thinking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
as a result
, they
were lost
their beliefs.
For example
, in recent years, for the communication using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, one should avoid meeting others
personally
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contact using phone calls or text messages; this would result in loss of emotions.
Moreover
, the scientist can give a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which would be helpful for later future, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can be able to give happiness to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and rejuvenate from their routine life such as, musician will deliver the refreshment.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the one’s development.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
represent
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
’s in the paper,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this would increase their creativity and thinking ability.
For instance
, most of the school
was included
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
subject in their curriculum, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop their mind and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
, that in the study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects
as well
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
represent
the emotions as the children who cannot speak can draw the painting from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to identify their mental status.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is the area which creates the
overall
development of the person.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
work provides happiness to others, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the culture and tradition
as well
. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
represent
the emotion. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage this activity.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay With the development of technology and science, Some people believe that there is no great value of artists such as musicians and painters. What are the things artists can do but the scientist cannot? Why should we encourage the art area? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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