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Many family moves to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many family moves to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. v. 1
In this era of globalization, immigrating to different countries have become easier than past so many families leave their native land for one reason or another. Some people believe that education in foreign countries is better than their motherland so they consider immigration might help them in providing better education to their children. However, others think that adjusting to a new place and adapting foreign lifestyle becomes difficult for children, especially adolescents might get an inferiority complex while living or studding with foreigners. In my opinion, there is no harm in exploring living options overseas. Firstly, as the pay structure of every profession varies from country to country so many people think that moving to a developing nation will allow them to earn better. To state an example, a dentist practicing in Canada earns far higher than a dentist in India. Secondly, moving into a new realm will give children an opportunity to experience a different culture. Knowing multiple languages as well as cultures will eventually help them to grow as a better person. On the other hand, the idea of leaving the old friends behind and get used to a new lifestyle sometimes make children unhappy and in a few cases such changes have even become the reason of depression in pupils. In addition to, while staying away for a long-time people tends to forget their ancestral values and many loose touch with their extended family which is not considered good by older generations. In conclusion, exploring better prospects outside of your native land, have its own share of advantages and disadvantage, but in my perspective as this movement helps in reducing unemployment option in a country and help people grow as a better person, I would say its merits greatly outweigh demerits.
In this era of globalization, immigrating to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have become easier than past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their native land for one reason or another.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that education in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than their motherland
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they consider immigration might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
education to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that adjusting to a new place and adapting foreign lifestyle becomes difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
adolescents might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an inferiority complex while living or studding with foreigners. In my opinion, there is no harm in exploring living options overseas.

Firstly
, as the pay structure of every profession varies from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that moving to a developing nation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. To state an example, a dentist practicing in Canada earns far higher than a dentist in India.
Secondly
, moving into a new realm will give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an opportunity to experience a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
culture. Knowing multiple languages
as well
as cultures will
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to grow as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
person.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of leaving the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
friends behind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to a new lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unhappy and in a few cases such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have even become the reason of depression in pupils.
In addition
to, while staying away for a long-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to forget their ancestral values and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
loose touch with their extended family which is not considered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
by older generations.

In conclusion
, exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
prospects
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
your native land, have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
share of advantages and disadvantage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my perspective as this movement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in reducing unemployment option in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grow as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
person, I would say its merits
greatly
outweigh demerits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Many family moves to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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