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Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.6

Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. v. 6
A large number of families decide to move abroad, which can be beneficial to children while it is hard to handle. There are both merits and demerits to this decision, but I personally think that it will impact the children 's lives positively. Firstly, moving to another country gives the children of family to broaden their horizons. To illustrate, They have the chance to be in a different culture, which makes their position difficult to react to social issues. But with the passing time, they gradually learn to tackle these problems. As a result, their knowledge will be extended in social activities and flexibility in communicating with other people. Secondly, by living in a foreign country, they learn a new language which is valuable for their future career. On the other hand, moving to a foreign nation accompanies with challenges, including using the network support of friends and relatives and missing the acquisition of their original culture. Living abroad is similar to start from scratch and there is no support of old friends and relatives. This can be hard for children to handle at the beginning. Also, the children of families living in another country are less familiar with their maternal culture. Ultimately, they make efforts to learn the culture of their new country to be accepted in society, result in they may forget their originality, gradually. In conclusion, moving to another nation is a valuable option for children. However, there are some drawbacks which can be ignored. If families try to keep their original culture in a foreign county and pass down them to children, the moving out will improve the future of children.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
abroad, which can be beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to handle. There are both merits and demerits to this decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will impact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
positively
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to broaden their horizons. To illustrate, They have the chance to be in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their position difficult to react to social issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with the passing time, they
gradually
learn to tackle these problems.
As a result
, their knowledge will
be extended
in social activities and flexibility in communicating with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Secondly
, by living in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they learn a new language which is valuable for their future career.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to a foreign nation
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanies by".
accompanies with
challenges, including using the network support of friends and relatives and missing the acquisition of their original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. Living abroad is similar to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from scratch and there is no support of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
friends and relatives. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to handle at the beginning.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
living in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are less familiar with their maternal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
Ultimately
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of their new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in society, result in they may forget their originality,
gradually
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to another nation is a valuable option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in a foreign county and pass down them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
out will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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