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Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. v. 6
It is a true that nowadays, anyone can browse the internet about history and different cultures. While peoples' interest in museums and art has declined and can be allowed to be extinct. I differ with this phenomenon and in the ensuing paragraphs I will allude to these arguments further. To begin with, museums are showing past event and historical artefacts. That is the reason why museums should not vanish. There are a lot of original photos, drawings, and special things available. By visiting ones, people see physically and understand the actual size and beauty of the artefacts or sculptures. For example, Maharaja Fateh Sing Museum has a huge collection of sculptures in marble and bronze. In addition the fees collected from visitors of museums would increase the revenue of the government. It is not only a source of income for the government, but also provides entertainment for some people. Thus, museums are required for people and nation. Conversely, the online media has all the clue about the past and our culture. It only provides photos which most of the time are not enough to understand the reality of sculptures and painting. For instance, Victoria Memorial, Kolkata, has Queen Victoria Statue made in the 19th century, you have to see it in person. Photos on the screen can never give an accurate idea of the size. Moreover, every information available on the internet may not be true as some websites put up wrong data for their benefit. Hence, visiting the museum can never be replaced by just reading about it online. To conclude, the internet is an easily available and free way of getting info about ones past and culture, it cannot be replaced by visiting the museums in person and it does not allow one physically.
It is a true that nowadays, anyone can browse the internet about history and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. While peoples' interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art has declined and can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to be extinct. I differ with this phenomenon and in the ensuing paragraphs I will allude to these arguments
further
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are showing past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and historical
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
.
That is
the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should not vanish. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
original photos, drawings, and special things available. By visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
physically
and understand the actual size and beauty of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
or sculptures.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maharaja
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fateh
Sing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
has a huge collection of sculptures in marble and bronze. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
the fees collected from visitors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
would increase the revenue of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a source of income for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provides entertainment for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are required
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and nation.

Conversely
, the online media has all the clue about the past and our culture. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides photos which most of the time are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to understand the reality of sculptures and painting.
For instance
, Victoria Memorial, Kolkata, has Queen Victoria Statue made in the 19th century, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it in person. Photos on the screen can never give an accurate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the size.
Moreover
, every information available on the internet may not be true as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
websites put up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
data for their benefit.
Hence
, visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can never
be replaced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reading about it online.

To conclude
, the internet is an
easily
available and free way of getting info about
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
past and culture, it cannot
be replaced
by visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in person and it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
one
physically
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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