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Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. Do you agree or disagree? v.6

Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. v. 6
Wealthy nations should give a chance for these employees, who have the necessary skills and knowledge, however, they originate from financially struggling countries. While skilled and knowledgeable employees should be appreciated from their own governments, other fortunate nations should also provide them with a good opportunity to prove their potential. In my opinion, there should be multiple choices offered as a reward to any extraordinary effort exerted by an employee either from his country or from all over the world. In fact, governments must realize the importance of rewarding those, who work hard on themselves to increase their knowledge and experience. Moreover, this should make them feel belonging and willing to improve even more. For instance, in Japan, people never migrate searching for job opportunities, instead, they prefer to live in their own country where they feel appreciated. Therefore, it's really important to start appreciating the valuable treasure of having human resources, who work in an extraordinary fashion. On the contrary, rich nations should also start hiring people with special potential from all over the world. Furthermore, it's obvious why they should do so. Because these individuals simply deserve it. For example, Saudi Arabia provides chances for hard-working doctors and engineers with amazing salaries. It is for these reasons, it's really good when a country believes in human resources and values them. In conclusion, people from rich parts of the world must hire those from other poorer parts as long as they have the necessary talent and potential. Although it will make more sense if this starts to be implemented first where those people exist, it might not be feasible due to some financial challenges. From my perspective, many chances must be given to those, who work on themselves to develop their skills and increase their knowledge.
Wealthy nations should give a chance for these employees,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge,
however
, they originate from
financially
struggling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. While skilled and knowledgeable employees should
be appreciated
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, other fortunate nations should
also
provide them with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to prove their potential. In my opinion, there should be multiple choices offered as a reward to any extraordinary effort exerted by an employee either from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
or from all over the world.

In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
realize the importance of rewarding those,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on themselves to increase their knowledge and experience.
Moreover
, this should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel belonging and willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
even more.
For instance
, in Japan,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never migrate searching for job opportunities,
instead
, they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where they feel appreciated.
Therefore
, it's
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
appreciating the valuable treasure of having human resources,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work
Consider replacing "in an extraordinary fashion" with the adverb for "extraordinary"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an extraordinary fashion
.

On the contrary
, rich nations should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with special potential from all over the world.
Furthermore
, it's obvious why they should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
these individuals
simply
deserve it.
For example
, Saudi Arabia provides chances for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working doctors and engineers with amazing salaries. It is for these reasons, it's
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
believes in human resources and values them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from rich parts of the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
hire those from other poorer parts as long as they have the necessary talent and potential. Although it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more sense if this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to
be implemented
first
where those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exist, it might not be feasible due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
financial challenges. From my perspective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to those,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work on themselves to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and increase their knowledge.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Rich countries should allow jobs for skilled and knowledgeable employees who are from poor countries. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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