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Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.1

Nowadays, the used of chemicals in food production and preservation were rampant especially in urban areas. But, we cannot deny the fact that the adverse effects that this chemicals brought to individual's body surpassed the beneficial side of using it. Personally, I totally think of the same way and agreed on how this chemicals contributed to the deterrioration of individual's health. Preservatives were added in the food to make it lasts longer, taste better, will not easily damage and extend their life span of how many days. Large number of people opted to buy ready - made foods after a long busy day; because they don't have enough time to prepare and cook. If an individual like the taste of the food they bought, it is expected that they will come back every time and buy the said food. In returned, food businesses will flourished and maintained a good reputation to the customers. On the other hand, chemicals as part of the ingredients in making and preparing food were dangerous to the human body. Making it a habit to eat the same kind of foods everyday like noodles, canned goods will create different kind of diseases such as cardiovascular and kidney diseases, hypertension, diabetes mellitus, and cancer. The poor families were prone to this kind of situation; mainly because they can afford it. Much to say, even if they know the risks of eating this kind of foods, they have no choice but to relieved their hunger in order to survive. To sum it up, the negative effects of using preservatives surpassed the beneficial side. We cannot change on how the way it is, but it is a situation in which we can prevent if we are using it in moderation.
Nowadays, the
Did you mean the noun “use”?
used
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production and preservation were rampant
especially
in urban areas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, we cannot deny the fact that the adverse effects that
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘chemicals’. Did you mean “these”?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
brought to individual's body surpassed the beneficial side of using it.
Personally
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of the same way and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
on how
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘chemicals’. Did you mean “these”?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
contributed to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
deterrioration
of individual's health.

Preservatives were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it lasts longer, taste better, will not
easily
damage and extend their life span of how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
days. Large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
ready
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
after a long busy day;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to prepare and cook. If an individual like the taste of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back every time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. In returned,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
businesses will flourished and maintained a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reputation to the customers.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
as part of the ingredients in making and preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to the human body. Making it a habit to eat the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
everyday like noodles, canned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
will create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of diseases such as cardiovascular and kidney diseases, hypertension, diabetes mellitus, and cancer. The poor families were prone to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of situation;
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can afford it. Much to say, even if they know the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of eating this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, they have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
The base form is expected after “to”.
to relieved
their hunger in order to survive.

To sum it up, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of using preservatives surpassed the beneficial side. We cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
on how the way it is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is a situation in which we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
if we are using it in moderation.
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IELTS essay Do the dangers derived from the used od chemicals in food production and presrvation outweigh the advantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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