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Many elderly people are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of this trend? v.6

Many elderly people are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of this trend? v. 6
Many families devolve their elders to care homes to be nurtured. Although this issue brings positive side such as regular programmed - treatments, its negative side such as being mentally isolated can be considered. The proponents of this occurrence might assume that care homes provide great nursing programs which are scheduled well. This is because care homes or nursing homes is systematically organised. By dint of this, the families' fellows freely enjoy their business without feeling anxiety or worry. As an illustration, Mom Home cares which lies in West Jakarta, arrange all the elders' activities in 24-hour schedule. The nurses start to wake the patients up at 5. 00 am then doing physical exercise in every morning, they set the meal times up to 3 times a day, they prepare warm water for taking bath in the evening, the employees are also scheduled to invite the elders to enjoy walking around. Shortly, they keep the ageing people there with a good schedule. Looking from a different perspective, letting the elders live at home cares incurs such a lonely feeling to the elders involved. this is because they will be separated from their beloved families. They will miss their children, they will be unable to make a joke with their grand sons and their grand daughters everyday. This, then, finally b ajarings about alienation, and at worst, the elders will feel being expelled and depressed. In conclusion, I believe that this kind of phenomenon has disadvantage such as being alienated, while its positive side such as regular schedule of treatments can be considered.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
families devolve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
to
be nurtured
. Although this issue brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side such as regular programmed
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
treatments, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side such as being mentally isolated can
be considered
.

The proponents of this occurrence might assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
provide great nursing programs which
are scheduled
well. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
or nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
is
systematically
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
. By dint of this, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
families&
#039; fellows
freely
enjoy their business without feeling anxiety or worry. As an illustration, Mom Home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cares
which lies in West Jakarta, arrange all the
Possible spelling mistake found.
elders&
#039; activities in 24-hour schedule. The nurses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to wake the patients up at 5. 00 am then doing physical exercise in every morning, they set the meal times up to 3 times a day, they prepare warm water for taking bath in the evening, the employees are
also
scheduled to invite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
to enjoy walking around. Shortly, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
there with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
schedule.

Looking from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective, letting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
at home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cares
incurs such a lonely feeling to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
involved.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
be separated
from their beloved families. They will miss their children, they will be unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a joke with their grand sons and their grand daughters
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. This, then,
finally
b
Possible spelling mistake found.
ajarings
about alienation, and at worst, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
will feel
being expelled
and depressed.

In conclusion
, I believe that this kind of phenomenon has disadvantage such as
being alienated
, while its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side such as regular schedule of treatments can
be considered
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many elderly people are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of this trend? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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