Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like homeless and unemployed. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like homeless and unemployed. v. 5
Over the last 100 years, population has grown at an exponential rate across many countries in the world. This brings along with it its own problems such as poverty, illiteracy, unemployment and so on. Many governments allocate huge resources to tackle these problems. Since all governments have problems to solve in their own countries, I agree with the argument that their first priority should be their own people. There are ample reasons why I believe that the government should put the welfare of its own people ahead of others. To begin with, financial resources are becoming scarce and many countries are already in debt. These funds must be reserved for the development and maintenance of its own institutions and social security measures such as free health care and shelters for homeless people. Secondly, such welfare schemes not only elevate people out of poverty; they also help the government indirectly by creating jobs. This, in turn, facilitates the economic growth of the country. On the other hand, it is understandable and reasonable to donate money to the poorer nations as a gesture of basic human decency and humanity. No nation, after all, can live in prosperity when its neighbours are struggling with poverty. By offering financial assistance to their poor neighbours, countries can also put a curb on illegal immigration. Even so, in my opinion, solving problems in one’s own country is more important than venturing to help others. Others should be helped only when the donating country has a surplus of money and resources. In conclusion, there are obvious benefits for the government in the long run from donating money as relief aids to many foreign countries. However, I strongly iterate that the government must first improve the economic, financial and employment prospects of its own people before embarking on humanitarian work abroad.
Over the last 100 years, population has grown at an exponential rate across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world. This brings along with it its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as poverty, illiteracy, unemployment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
allocate huge resources to tackle these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Since all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to solve in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that their
first
priority should be their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

There are ample reasons why I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should put the welfare of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ahead of others. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, financial resources are becoming scarce and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are already in debt. These funds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be reserved
for the development and maintenance of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
institutions and social security measures such as free health care and shelters for homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, such welfare schemes not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
elevate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
out of poverty; they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
indirectly
by creating jobs. This, in turn, facilitates the economic growth of the country.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is understandable and reasonable to donate money to the poorer nations as a gesture of basic human decency and humanity. No nation,
after all
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in prosperity when its
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
are struggling with poverty. By offering financial assistance to their poor
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
also
put a curb on illegal immigration. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, in my opinion, solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than venturing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others. Others should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when the donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a surplus of money and resources.

In conclusion
, there are obvious benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in the long run from donating money as relief aids to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foreign countries.

However
, I
strongly
iterate that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economic, financial and employment prospects of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
embarking on humanitarian work abroad.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the government should not spend money on international aid when they have their own disadvantaged people like homeless and unemployed. v. 5

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts