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Many elderly people are are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend v.1

Many elderly people are are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend v. 1
Job scarcity has remained a major concern in many countries of the world. For this reason, it has been suggested that the education of children should not go beyond the elementary school. I disagree with this view because education plays a vital role in every society. Firstly, this essay will describe the importance of higher learning, followed by why it should be encouraged. Further education is a necessity in that it frees people from crude knowledge of certain fields. Many people prescribe drugs for themselves without consulting health practitioners, whose duty it is to do such. If they are exposed, they will not only stop indulging in such practices, but also be aware of future dangers it could bring. Also, certain information is hidden from the eyes of an illiterate. No matter how impressive primary schools make learning appear, people who do not go beyond it are regarded as illiterates and seen, to an extent, as educationally irrelevant. This validates why going beyond the basics of knowledge acquisition is important. When we are aware of that, the first step would be to kindle the flame of exceptional love for higher education. Parents will benefit when their children are celebrated as the best brains in the professional world. Not only that, countries will become rich with experts in different fields of endeavour, making it possible to prune the yet-to-understand characters of its citizens. For example, the United States of America has been the world power due to civilization. This was feasible because professionals, who continually train others, exist there. In conclusion, the importance of higher education cannot be overemphasised because it creates wealth of knowledge and also, it benefits the individual and the society at large.
Job scarcity has remained a major concern in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries of the world.
For this reason
, it has
been suggested
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of children should not go beyond the elementary school. I disagree with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a vital role in every society.
Firstly
, this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the importance of higher learning, followed by why it should
be encouraged
.

Further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a necessity in that it frees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from crude knowledge of certain fields.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prescribe drugs for themselves without consulting health practitioners, whose duty it is to do such. If they
are exposed
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
indulging in such practices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
be aware of future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
it could bring.
Also
, certain information
is hidden
from the eyes of an illiterate. No matter how impressive primary schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
learning
This verb is used with the infinitive: "to appear"
appear
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not go beyond it
are regarded
as illiterates and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, to an extent, as
educationally
irrelevant. This validates why going beyond the basics of knowledge acquisition is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

When we are aware of that, the
first
step would be to kindle the flame of exceptional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Parents will benefit when their children
are celebrated
as the best brains in the professional world. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, countries will become rich with experts in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields of
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
, making it possible to prune the
yet
-to-understand characters of its citizens.
For example
, the United States of America has been the world power due to civilization. This was feasible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
professionals, who
continually
train others, exist there.

In conclusion
, the importance of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
cannot be
Possible spelling mistake. 'overemphasised' is British English.
overemphasised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates wealth of knowledge and
also
, it benefits the individual and the society at large.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay Many elderly people are are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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