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Many newspapers and magazines feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where they buy their clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations. Is it appropriate for a magazine or new v.4

Many newspapers and magazines feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where they buy their clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations. Is it appropriate for a magazine or new v. 4
We can see the lifestyle of many athletes, politicians, models including their private lives through the media world. Everyone would definitely want their private spaces when they are with their friends, families and their loved ones. Considering media as a key aspect for their popularity, it is still not appropriate to indulge in their personal life to give out private information. Firstly, people buy newspapers and magazines to find interesting stories and sometimes gossips. These famous people are certainly the role models for many people around the world also people start following their activities including their personal life. It is the public that forces the newspaper and magazine publishers to cover information on the personal life of famous people. Secondly, Newspapers and magazines provide these kind of information in order to attract the public. It became a regular aspect of today’s media to show much interest in providing stories mainly on the off screen life of famous stars. In doing so they help their business grow rather than giving information that does not grab the attention of the audience. However looking from theses famous people’s point of view, they too are ordinary people just like the others. They do have families and their leisure time. They seem to get annoyed or sometimes they involve in physical actions against media when constantly disturbed. When such situation occurs, newspapers and magazines turn that into business by publishing the incident. In my point of view, though it is the magazines and newspapers helped them become famous people they should give them their private space. People should avoid showing interest in someone else’s personal life. It is also not appreciable to write about their personal life. 270 words
We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the lifestyle of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
athletes, politicians, models including their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
world. Everyone would definitely want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
spaces when they are with their friends, families and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. Considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
as a key aspect for their popularity, it is
still
not appropriate to indulge in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to give out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
information.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
to find interesting stories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
gossips. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
certainly
the role models for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
following their activities including their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is the public that forces the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
publishers to cover information on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Newspapers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
provide
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of information in order to attract the public. It became a regular aspect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
much interest in providing stories
mainly
on the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
off screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
stars. In doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their business grow
rather
than giving information that does not grab the attention of the audience.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
looking from theses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
point of view, they too are ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like the others. They do have families and their leisure time. They seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
annoyed or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they involve in physical actions against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
when
constantly
disturbed. When such situation occurs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
turn that into business by publishing the incident.

In my point of view, though it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they should give them their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
space.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should avoid showing interest in someone else’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is
also
not appreciable to write about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life. 270
words
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Many newspapers and magazines feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where they buy their clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations. Is it appropriate for a magazine or new v. 4

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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