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Some people think that children should be encouraged to play outdoor games that require physical activit instead of playing computer games in the home Do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people think that children should be encouraged to play outdoor games that require physical activit instead of playing computer games in the home v. 1
Nowdays, the implication of children playing computer games at home has been widely discussed. Some people argue that children should attend outdoor games instead of playing computer games. I mostly agree with the argument. On one hand, computer games has a number of benefits to children. To begin with, it is important for children to learn computer related skills because the computer technology has became a significant trend in our society. Children will be very interested in computers when they are attracted by computer games. Furthermore, computer games, especially those has education functions, can promote children' s brain development. For example, many children learn drawing and music composing through the aid of computer games. On the other hand, there are many arguments supporting that outdoor activities cannot be replaced by computer games. First, playing computer games have some negative effects on children' s physical health. For example, playing computer games for a long time will hurt their eyes and back. Also, playing computer games may lead to overweight and obesity. Second, social skills is important for children to be successful in the future. Playing with real friends effectively helps children to grasp social skills. In conclusion, outdoor activities is more beneficial to children than computer games. Therefore, children should be encouraged to attend more outdoor activities with friends.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nowdays
, the implication of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at home has been
widely
discussed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument.

On one hand, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has a number of benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn computer related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the computer technology has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
a significant trend in our society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested in computers when they
are attracted
by computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Furthermore
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
especially
The verb 'has' is singular. Did you mean: "This has" or "those have", "those haven"?
those has
education functions, can promote
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s brain development.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn drawing and music composing through the aid of computer games.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments supporting that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities cannot
be replaced
by computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s physical health.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for a long time will hurt their eyes and back.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may lead to overweight and obesity. Second, social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be successful in the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
with real friends
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grasp social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities is more beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to attend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities with friends.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children should be encouraged to play outdoor games that require physical activit instead of playing computer games in the home v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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