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Many efforts have been made by countries to address challenges concerning the environment but the situation has not improved. What are the possible reasons for environmental degradation? Are there any solutions to combat this problem? Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v.1

Many efforts have been made by countries to address challenges concerning the environment but the situation has not improved. What are the possible reasons for environmental degradation? Are there any solutions to combat this problem? Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v. 1
Over a decade, many retired people travelled to different places. This essay will discuss some reasons why this has occurred and examine the consequences of this current trend. Firsty, people desire pleasant changes in their life. They were so engrossed in jobs and routine life that they forget to enjoy their life. When they retire, all that matters is to live a life which otherwise would not have had been possible during their working days. These people opt to travel different places as they wish a new beginning. This means, to have a new place to live in and the exciting people to communicate. They believe it could rekindle their life. However, it should not be forgotten the issues people face when they move their residence far away from their hometown. Family break ups could be one of the serious problems. Childern may not agree w their parents’ choice and could decide to stay back in their existing residence for different reasons such as fear of losing old friends, education and job. That means parents will have to make a difficult choice of moving to their desired destination without their children. Moreover, language barrier could be an another issue that could make people less socializing. Also, other problems could be crime, safety and medical care. In conclusion, many people wish to move out from their hometown as they desire to start fresh, however, care must be taken because things may not work as per their plan, and they may encounter many predicaments.
Over a decade,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travelled to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why this has occurred and examine the consequences of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Firsty
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
desire pleasant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
engrossed in jobs and routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that they forget to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When they retire, all that matters is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which
otherwise
would not have had been possible during their working days. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places as they wish a new beginning. This means, to have a new place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in and the exciting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate. They believe it could rekindle their life.

However
, it should not
be forgotten
the issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their residence far away from their hometown. Family
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
break ups
could be one of the serious problems.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childern
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
w their parents’ choice and could decide to stay back in their existing residence for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons such as fear of losing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
friends, education and job. That means parents will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difficult choice of moving to their desired destination without their children.
Moreover
, language barrier could be
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "an issue" or "another issue".
an another issue
that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less socializing.
Also
, other problems could be crime, safety and medical care.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wish to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out from their hometown as they desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
fresh,
however
, care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
things may not work as per their plan, and they may encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
predicaments.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Many efforts have been made by countries to address challenges concerning the environment but the situation has not improved. What are the possible reasons for environmental degradation? Are there any solutions to combat this problem? Support your answer with specific reasons and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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