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Nowadays, experience is more valued in the workplace than knowledge in many countries. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Nowadays, experience is more valued in the workplace than knowledge in many countries. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Over the past decades, having experience is becoming a trend in the firm, at the same time employers do not view real knowledge as more important. However, the issue as to whether it is beneficial or harmful remains controversial. In my opinion, potential benefits of this outstrip its drawbacks. On the one hand, opponents may contend that it is disadvantageous to businesses. Firstly, it is noteworthy that companies could lose many people who are university graduates with a good degree. Because they just graduated, will not get as soon as possible the job place. Therefore, businesses will have good employees with a low salary. Secondly, another problem that should be taken into account is esteeming training will increase the proportion of unemployment. It means that a lot of graduated students will not have opportunities to get jobs or will find their careers more difficult. On the other hand, notwithstanding the above-mentioned arguments, I would argue that the potential advantages of this tactic would overshadow its downsides. Noticeably, hiring people who had experience is good for both business and workers. Firstly, for the company, they can reduce the training cost and time. Besides that, the business’s profit will come more quickly. Likewise, because of having experience and soft skills and other interpersonal skills, the staff can follow their jobs fast and have more time to enjoy the new environment and make relationships with other coworkers. As a result, they can boost their career prospects and climb the career ladder as quickly as possible. In conclusion, although evaluating training more valued than learning has some drawbacks, it is my view that its advantages dominate disadvantages as discussed above.
Over the past decades, having experience is becoming a trend in the firm, at the same time employers do not view real knowledge as more
important
.
However
, the issue
as to whether
it is beneficial or harmful remains controversial. In my opinion, potential benefits of this outstrip its drawbacks.

On the one hand, opponents may contend that it is disadvantageous to businesses.
Firstly
, it is noteworthy that
companies
could lose
many
people
who are university graduates with a
good
degree.
Because
they
just
graduated, will not
get
as
soon
as possible the job place.
Therefore
, businesses will have
good
employees with a low salary.
Secondly
, another problem that should
be taken
into account is esteeming training will increase the proportion of unemployment. It means that
a lot of
graduated students will not have opportunities to
get
jobs or will find their careers more difficult.

On the other hand
, notwithstanding the above-mentioned arguments, I would argue that the potential advantages of this tactic would overshadow its downsides.
Noticeably
, hiring
people
who had experience is
good
for both business and workers.
Firstly
, for the
company
, they can
reduce
the training cost and time.
Besides
that, the business’s profit will
come
more
quickly
.
Likewise
,
because
of having experience and soft
skills
and other interpersonal
skills
, the staff can follow their jobs
fast
and have more time to enjoy the new environment and
make
relationships with other coworkers.
As a result
, they can boost their career prospects and climb the career ladder as
quickly
as possible.

In conclusion
, although evaluating training more valued than learning has
some
drawbacks, it is my view that its advantages dominate disadvantages as discussed above.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, experience is more valued in the workplace than knowledge in many countries. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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