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Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem? v.8

Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem? v. 8
Exercise is an important activity to sustain the modern lifestyle. It is believed by many doctors that people across the world do not perform sufficient physical activities. This essay will focus on the causes and possible solutions to these problems. Firstly, lack of awareness can be one reason for the people not taking interest in exercising. Many don't know the benefits of physical activity, and lack of exercise can result in several health conditions such as obesity and stress. For instance, my nephew believes that gym and sports are a waste of time and it should instead be spent on studying. Also, another reason for this problem can be the lack of time. For example, working professionals usually spend most of their day in their office and may not get enough time to play or workout. However, these problems can be addressed if campaigns are conducted to increase awareness among the people. Through these advertisements people will come to know more about the importance of physical activities and might take an interest in them. To clarify, communicating the problems of obesity to the obese community could help them understand the gravity of their problem and help them to take necessary actions such as working out. In addition, gyms can also be provided at workplaces to ensure that the staff can take out their time during working hours to improve their fitness. To conclude, although the absence of awareness and time are one of the causes in the world not focusing on fitness, these problems are not insurmountable, and can easily be addressed through campaigns, and by providing gyms at work places. In my opinion, it is the responsibility of the government to encourage its citizens by following some of the above-mentioned suggestions.
Exercise is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
to sustain the modern lifestyle. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doctors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the world do not perform sufficient physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This essay will focus on the causes and possible solutions to these problems.

Firstly
, lack of awareness can be one reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not taking interest in exercising.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
don't know the benefits of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, and lack of exercise can result in several health conditions such as obesity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For instance
, my nephew believes that gym and sports are a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and it should
instead
be spent
on studying.
Also
, another reason for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can be the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, working professionals
usually
spend most of their day in their office and may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to play or workout.

However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be addressed
if campaigns
are conducted
to increase awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Through these advertisements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know more about the importance of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and might take an interest in them. To clarify, communicating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of obesity to the obese community could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them understand the gravity of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to take necessary actions such as working out.
In addition
, gyms can
also
be provided
at workplaces to ensure that the staff can take out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
during working hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their fitness.

To conclude
, although the absence of awareness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are one of the causes in the world not focusing on fitness, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are not insurmountable, and can
easily
be addressed
through campaigns, and by providing gyms at work places. In my opinion, it is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to encourage its citizens by following
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
above-mentioned suggestions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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