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Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem? v.2

It is a topic that doctors mention about people's lack of sufficient physical workout. In the current world, people are more inclined towards sedentary lifestyle. This may lead to many health issues and can be cured by many ways. There are two main reasons for being inadequate exercises. Firstly, people are under the influence of technology in all aspect of life. The available tech-friendly options have quickly replaced the old ways. For example, instead of bicycling, walking or climbing stairs, people tend to choose cars, buses, cycles or elevators when they go to the workplace. Moreover, they spend too much time on watching TV, using smartphone or computers. Secondly, everybody is in the race to earn money. Compared to the decade ago, today we live in competitive world so they do not have enough time to do workout. This change may cause adverse effect of health in the long term. However, government intervention and individual care could be potential solutions because raising awareness regarding the subject is essential. To begin with, government should implement health consciousness campaigns in schools, office and the public. For instance, supporting more effective facilities and building more gymnasiums in public, and efficient health education in schools should be carried out. And the last, people have to ensure they take the necessary steps to incorporate any kind of exercise in their daily routine. In other words, instead of driving to work, they can substitute it walking or bicycling to work. Furthermore, by the time they reach home after work, going gyms, walking at least 30 minutes or doing yoga could be done. In conclusion, healthy lifestyle is vital for human beings. Thus, it is the time that all people should reduce use of technology and include physical exercises in their daily routine.
It is a topic that doctors mention about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lack of sufficient physical workout. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more inclined towards sedentary lifestyle. This may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and can
be cured
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

There are two main reasons for being inadequate exercises.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are under the influence of technology in all aspect of life. The available tech-friendly options have
quickly
replaced the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ways.
For example
,
instead
of bicycling, walking or climbing stairs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to choose cars, buses, cycles or elevators when they go to the workplace.
Moreover
, they spend too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching TV, using smartphone or computers.
Secondly
, everybody is in the race to earn money. Compared to the decade ago,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in competitive world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do workout. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
may cause adverse effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the long term.

However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
intervention and individual care could be potential solutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
raising awareness regarding the subject is essential. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
consciousness campaigns in schools, office and the public.
For instance
, supporting more effective facilities and building more gymnasiums in public, and efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education in schools should
be carried
out.

And the last,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ensure they take the necessary steps to incorporate any kind of exercise in their daily routine.
In other words
,
instead
of driving to work, they can substitute it walking or bicycling to work.
Furthermore
, by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they reach home after work, going gyms, walking at least 30 minutes or doing yoga could
be done
.

In conclusion
, healthy lifestyle is vital for human beings.
Thus
, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology and include physical exercises in their daily routine.
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Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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