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Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem? v.6

Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem? v. 6
Several medical practitioners are claiming that in the present times people do not do any physical activities. This essay will discuss that the main cause for this is the hectic tasks life of people. This essay will further, outline that the solution for this is that employers should reduce their burden so that they can keep themselves physically fit. The principle reason is that people are under tremendous anxiety and struggle for extra hours in the office in order to complete their projects within the deadline. This is to say, People face a lot of pressure in their office and have to work for overtime in order to finish their tasks, as a result, they do not have time to look after their health or do some exercise. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The Times showed that more than 60 percent of people are not able to keep them physically and mentally fit and healthy because of job stress. The most viable solution is that organisations should distribute tasks among the employees in such a way that they can take out time for taking care of their health. In other words, the management should delegate tasks among the workforce depending on their skills and capabilities, so that they are not only able to complete the responsibilities with any stress, but is also able to work out in the gym and fitness centres in order to keep them healthy. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The New York Times showed that organisations who properly delegate duties have more than 65 percent of physically fit people. To conclude, people do not involve in any physical exercises as stated by doctors and the main cause for this is the office duties and stress. However, the most feasible solutions for this problem is that organisations should ensure to reduce the burden by distributing equitable amount of tasks and duties.
Several medical practitioners are claiming that in the present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not do any physical activities. This essay will discuss that the main cause for this is the hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will
further
, outline that the solution for this is that employers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their burden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves
physically
fit.

The
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are under tremendous anxiety and struggle for extra hours in the office in order to complete their projects within the deadline. This is to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure in their office and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for overtime in order to finish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
,
as a result
, they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to look after their health or do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
physically
and mentally fit and healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

The most viable solution is that
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should distribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
among the employees in such a way that they can take out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for taking care of their health.
In other words
, the management should delegate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
among the workforce depending on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and capabilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
able to complete the responsibilities with any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
also
able to work out in the gym and fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them healthy. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The New York
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
who
properly
delegate duties have more than 65 percent of
physically
fit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not involve in any physical exercises as stated by doctors and the main cause for this is the office duties and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
However
, the most feasible solutions for this problem is that
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should ensure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden by distributing equitable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
and duties.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many doctors say that people in today’s world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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