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Many customs and traditional behaviours are no longer required in the modern society and therefore they are not worth keeping To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Many customs and traditional behaviours are no longer required in the modern society and therefore they are not worth keeping v. 2
Undoubtedly, customs and traditional behaviours are an indispensable part of humankind. Although some people think that activities are not necessary for this current era, I firmly oppose this statement because without those activities no one can strengthen the relationship and can not make people happier. One of the greatest customs is that respect elder people because they are plays an important role in both family and society. When people respect each other, which will enhance the bonding between more stronger. Moreover, prayer also an inevitable thing among people because when people do this, it expresses gratitude to the Gods and Goddesses and consequently the devotee is feel more relaxed and also can maintain a strong relationship with their loved ones. For instance, in India, which itself have different forms of custom such as, variety of festivals, ethnic wear, dance forms and religious customs so people really feel some satisfaction once involve it. Another justification is that modern world is think that they do not necessary to follow any traditional behaviours, but it always upholding the nations identity significantly. In fact, traditional art forms like music, dance and drama are unavoidable in many society even these days. This is attributed to majority of people certainly find some sort of revenue and happiness when practising it. Also, for example, in India, believe that a joint family can often provide tremendous joy and happy, whereas the nuclear family is not as jovial as the former. Therefore, it is proven that these traditional practices play a pivotal role in both family and society than the latest life style. To conclude, a number of traditional culture and related customs are not acceptable among new generation and they are not following many of this too. However, I strongly believe that these are much essential to learn moral values and can learn how to live in this fast-paced world.
Undoubtedly
, customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
are an indispensable part of humankind. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that activities are not necessary for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era, I
firmly
oppose this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without those activities no one can strengthen the relationship and can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happier.

One of the greatest customs is that respect elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and society. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
respect each other, which will enhance the bonding between
Use only "stronger" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more stronger
.
Moreover
, prayer
also
an inevitable thing among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do this, it expresses gratitude to the Gods and Goddesses and
consequently
the devotee is feel more relaxed and
also
can maintain a strong relationship with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
For instance
, in India, which itself have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
such as, variety of festivals, ethnic wear, dance forms and religious customs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
satisfaction once involve it.

Another justification is that modern world is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they do not necessary to follow any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "it's always upholding", "it is always upholding", or "it was always upholding"?
it always upholding
the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "nations'" or "nation's"?
nations
identity
significantly
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
art forms like music, dance and drama are unavoidable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
society even these days. This
is attributed
to
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
certainly
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of revenue and happiness when
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
it.
Also
,
for example
, in India, believe that a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
provide tremendous joy and happy, whereas the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is not as jovial as the former.
Therefore
, it
is proven
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
practices play a pivotal role in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and society than the latest life style.

To conclude
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
culture and related customs are not acceptable among new
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
generation and
they are not following
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of this too.
However
, I
strongly
believe that these are much essential to learn moral values and can learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many customs and traditional behaviours are no longer required in the modern society and therefore they are not worth keeping v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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