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With a growing population many people believe that we should focus on more GM foods What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this v.2

With a growing population many people believe that we should focus on more GM foods What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this v. 2
The scarcity of food supply is becoming apparent, so some genetics scientists suggest solving this problem with altered DNA. This essay will consider the benefits and drawbacks of this kind of food. Let us begin with merits of food with modified genetic structure. The first advantage is that it is resistant to both illnesses and pesticides. Many vegetables and fruits perish in large numbers because of various diseases as well as unwanted insects, but genetically altered crops are immune to many infections and have an unattractive smell for pesticides. Another benefit is that It is relatively more fruitful. Crops with modified genes can grow faster and bigger than traditional ones, so more people can feed on them. Furthermore, It can thrive in dry areas. Due to its ability to consume on small amounts of water, this kind of vegetation can flourish, for example, either in desserts or in mountains. Despite the above mentioned benefits, genetically modified food has many drawbacks. First of all, it may cause some serious disorders. Food with generic modification has allegedly resulted in a few cases of cancer, but health care organization has not acknowledged these incidents. Secondly, altered crops has some negative effects on the ecosystem. When it penetrates into the soil as a result of waste, it usually poisons trees and small animals. Finally, it is hardly possible to find traditional food in large markets. Genetically modified food is prevailing in the market thanks to its low price and making the sale of conventional food unprofitable; therefore, if one wants to buy unaltered vegetables, they have to address private gardeners. In conclusion, genetically altered food has both positive and negative sides.
The scarcity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supply is becoming apparent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
genetics scientists suggest solving this problem with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
altered
DNA. This essay will consider the benefits and drawbacks of this kind of food.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
genetic structure. The
first
advantage is that it is resistant to both illnesses and pesticides.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
vegetables and fruits perish in large numbers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various diseases
as well
as unwanted insects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
altered
crops are immune to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
infections and have an unattractive smell for pesticides. Another benefit is that It is
relatively
more fruitful. Crops with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
genes can grow faster and bigger than traditional ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can feed on them.
Furthermore
, It can thrive in dry areas. Due to its ability to consume on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amounts of water, this kind of vegetation can flourish,
for example
, either in
Possibly confused word: Did you mean "deserts" (= a barren area of landscape with little precipitation) instead of 'desserts' (= a confectionery course that concludes a main meal)?
desserts
or in mountains.

Despite the above mentioned benefits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious disorders.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
with generic modification has allegedly resulted in a few cases of cancer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
health care organization has not acknowledged these incidents.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
altered
crops has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the ecosystem. When it penetrates into the soil
as a result
of waste, it
usually
poisons trees and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
animals.
Finally
, it is hardly possible to find traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in large markets.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Genetically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is prevailing in the market thanks to its low price and making the sale of conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
unprofitable;
therefore
, if one wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unaltered vegetables, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
address private gardeners.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genetically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
altered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay With a growing population many people believe that we should focus on more GM foods What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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