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Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v.5

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v. 5
It is often experienced that many incidents have taken place where after finishing their prison sentence many perpetrators again take same path and do further crimes. And government should take strict action to take this to end. This essay is intended to discuss why this type of phenomena happens and possible solution to solutions. To commence with, criminals are in the jails, because we want to make this world crime free, but one day or another their punishment will be over and they will hit back similarly. Sometimes they do it again because of their mental illness or habitually or may be because of possession. However, there are some common and treatable reasons. Firstly, this happens because when they get out of the donjons as a normal human they have to find work for livings and to accomplish their needs, but because of spoiled reputation most of the time they do not be able to get job. And i think that could make that person to take that path again unwantedly. Moreover, to get rid of this kind of issues taking action, while they are in the jail, can solve this problem to some extent. Likewise, giving them training for some minor labor work, when they are going through the period of imprisonment. Giving them little introspection training like for instance, in some Indian jails some time they arrange special type of life enhancement classes like personality development, moral values and meditation by Dharma Gurus to be a good member of society. Apart from that, government can give special status shows good work in donjons. Basically, they can sort them out in rankings by their work and clear their criminal record. to conclude, to solve the problem of crime again by same criminals after bail. We have to change our thoughts about the person who just finished his statement, and accept them as a ordinary man. And by government giving them good and clear status they would be able to find jobs and will never think of coming that way again.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
experienced that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
incidents have taken place where after finishing their prison sentence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
perpetrators
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
take same path and do
further
crimes. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take strict action to take this to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. This essay
is intended
to discuss why this type of phenomena happens and possible solution to solutions.

To commence with, criminals are in the jails,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this world crime free,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one day or
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their punishment" or "another punishment"?
another their punishment
will be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
over and
they will hit back
similarly
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they do it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their mental illness or
habitually
or may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of possession.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
common and treatable reasons.
Firstly
, this happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
donjons
as a normal human they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for livings and to accomplish their needs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of spoiled reputation most of the time they do not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job. And
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that person to take that path
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
Possible spelling mistake found.
unwantedly
.

Moreover
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this kind of issues taking action, while they are in the jail, can solve this problem to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
Likewise
, giving them training for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor labor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, when they are going through the period of imprisonment. Giving them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
introspection training like
for instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Indian jails
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time they arrange special type of life enhancement classes like personality development, moral values and meditation by Dharma Gurus to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
member of society. Apart from that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can give special status
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
donjons
.
Basically
, they can sort them out in rankings by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
their criminal record.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
conclude, to solve the problem of crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
by same criminals after bail. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our thoughts about the person who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
finished his statement, and accept them as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. And by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
giving them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
status they would be able to find jobs and will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of coming that way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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