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TPO 30Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. Use specific reasons and examples to v.3

TPO 30 It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. Use specific reasons and examples to v. 3
There is a great debate about working hour nowadays. many people wonder whether it is enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for ling hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. in my opinion, it is better to work only three days for more hours. I feel this way for two main reasons which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, one should take into account this significant fact that three-days job give one a flexible program and have many time for extra-calicular activities. as a matter-of-fact people have enough time to spend for entertaining things if they should just work three days of week. my own experience is compelling example of this. when I worked for a company for five days last year I not only have not time to go to vacation with my family but also I don' t have adequate time to do my favorite activity like painting and reading novels. consequently I feel really depressed. as you can see, this experience thought me that it is really better to works for only three days a week. In approaching in this issue, apart from the fact mentioned above, one should regard another point that working three days for week get a chance for workers to get focused on a job they do. in other word, it is better one complete his job in one try rather than dividing it into short hours. due to dividing to short period decrees efficiency by great amount to demonstrate, some researcher in Tehran universities established an experimental program to compare efficiency of work of people who works only three days to those who works 5 days. the results are surprising: over 60% efficiency of three-days works is more than five-days work. therefor I strongly believe people should work for three days a week. In conclusion, I contend that working for three days is far better than working for five days since it makes people not only physically, but also mentally more efficient.
There is a great debate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
nowadays.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wonder whether it is enjoyable to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
where you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
three days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for
Did you mean "long"?
ling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
than to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
where you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
five days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for shorter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
my opinion, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
three days for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. I feel this way for two main reasons which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one should take into account this significant fact that three-days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
give one a flexible program and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
extra-calicular
activities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
a matter-of-fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend for entertaining things if they should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
three days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is compelling example of this.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
I worked for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for five days last year I not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
have not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
The usual collocation for "vacation" is "on." Did you mean "go on vacation"?
go to vacation
with my family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do my favorite activity like painting and reading novels.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
consequently
I feel
really
depressed.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, this experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
me that it is
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to works for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
three days a week.

Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
In approaching in
this issue, apart from the fact mentioned above, one should regard another point that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
three days for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance for workers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
focused on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they do. in other word, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
one complete his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in one try
rather
than dividing it into short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
due
to dividing to short period decrees efficiency by great amount to demonstrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researcher in Tehran universities established an experimental program to compare efficiency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
three days to those who works 5 days.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
results are surprising: over 60% efficiency of three-days works is more than five-days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefor
I
strongly
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for three days a week.

In conclusion
, I contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for three days is far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for five days since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
physically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mentally more efficient.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 30 It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. Use specific reasons and examples to v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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