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Many criminals commit further crime as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v.1

Many criminals commit further crime as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v. 1
It is quite common for offenders to commit more crimes after they were released from detention centres. There are numerous reasons for this behaviour such as rejections from the society and lack of skills. Yet, by proper reintroduction and training programs this trend can be mitigated. Most people are forced into illegal activities because they do not have the skills or knowledge to pursue a respectable job. Studies have shown that the majority of criminals in the prisons do not have a good education background. All most all the employment opportunities nowadays require some sort of education level even for labour jobs. This is because these jobs have significantly changed with the advancement of technology. Hence, the best way to tackle this problem is by offering them vocational training to uplift their knowledge regarding a particular occupation. These trainings would at least provide a second chance for some of them to start their life over. On the other hand, society does not welcome people with criminal background. The main reason behind that is they are afraid these individuals would harm the lives and properties of innocent people. The solution for this is to release these people under strict rules and observations. For example, some countries keep track of all the prisoners they release to analyse their behaviour to predict the future actions of theirs. Moreover, those people should visit the nearest police-station one a month to see a psychiatrist. These methods identified as effective ways to reintroduce offenders to the common society. In conclusion, unfortunately, when released, criminals select the same livelihood as before due to the facts that they are unwelcome by the society and lack of the skills required to do a proper job. Nonetheless, I believe well organized vocational training and reintroduction programs would solve these problems.
It is quite common for offenders to commit more crimes after they
were released
from detention
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. There are numerous reasons for this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
such as rejections from the society and lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Yet
, by proper reintroduction and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
programs this trend can
be mitigated
.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are forced
into illegal activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or knowledge to pursue a respectable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Studies have shown that the majority of criminals in the prisons do not have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education background.
Did you mean "almost"?
All most
all the employment opportunities nowadays require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of education level even for
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
with the advancement of technology.
Hence
, the best way to tackle this problem is by offering them vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
to uplift their knowledge regarding a particular occupation. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trainings
would at least provide a second chance for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their life over.

On the other hand
, society does not welcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with criminal background. The main reason behind
Did you mean "that"?
that is
they are afraid these individuals would harm the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and properties of innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The solution for this is to release these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and observations.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of all the prisoners they release to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
to predict the future actions of theirs.
Moreover
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should visit the nearest police-station one a month to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a psychiatrist. These methods identified as effective ways to reintroduce offenders to the common society.

In conclusion
, unfortunately, when released, criminals select the same livelihood as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
due to the facts that they are unwelcome by the society and lack of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required to do a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Nonetheless, I believe well organized vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and reintroduction programs would solve these problems.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Many criminals commit further crime as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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