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Many crimes are related to the consumption of alcohol. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solutions can you suggest? v.1

Many crimes are related to the consumption of alcohol. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solutions can you suggest? v. 1
Numerous people commit crimes under the influence of alcohol. Some people are of the opinion that the ban of alcohol is the most effective method to bring down the crime rate. I strongly believe that the ban of alcohol would not bring about a major difference to the crime rate. It has been reported several times that people behave in an unacceptable manner after the consumption of booze. This includes violence, social misconduct, rash driving and so on. However, crimes are also committed by people who are not under the influence of alcohol. Therefore, putting a ban on liquor would not ensure in any way that citizens will always act in a mannerly conduct. In my opinion, the best means to handle this dilemma would be by making laws about the consumption of alcohol more stringent. For instance, there should be a limit in the consumption of alcohol for different age groups. Adding to that, people while drinking alcohol should be accompanied by someone who will remain sober. This will in turn drastically bring down the cases of road accidents as there are a lot of reported cases where people are involved in such incidences due to driving under the influence of alcohol. Another course to curb its consequences would be by educating people on the ill effects of consuming too much alcohol. This awareness would also help people understand how it alters their health. Thus, killing two birds with one stone. To sum up, alcohol isn’t the core reason for the crimes that are committed. Although it does seem to be the influence of some of them. Since banning it wouldn’t help the situation much, making sure that citizens consume it more responsibly would go a long way.
Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that the ban of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
is the most effective method to bring down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate. I
strongly
believe that the ban of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
would not bring about a major difference to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

It has
been reported
several times that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behave
Consider replacing "in an unacceptable manner" with the adverb for "unacceptable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unacceptable manner
after the consumption of booze. This includes violence, social misconduct, rash driving and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are
also
committed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
.
Therefore
, putting a ban on liquor would not ensure in any way that citizens will always act in a
mannerly
conduct.

In my opinion, the best means to handle this dilemma would be by making laws about the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
more stringent.
For instance
, there should be a limit in the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups. Adding to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
should
be accompanied
by someone who will remain sober. This will in turn
drastically
bring down the cases of road accidents as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reported cases where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
in such incidences due to driving under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
. Another course to curb its consequences would be by educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the ill effects of consuming too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
. This awareness would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand how it alters their health.
Thus
, killing two birds with one stone.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
isn’t the core reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
that
are committed
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
it does seem to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them. Since banning it wouldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the situation much, making sure that citizens consume it more
responsibly
would go a long way.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many crimes are related to the consumption of alcohol. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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