Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solutions can you suggest? v.3

Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solutions can you suggest? v. 3
In the more violent cities, some people believe that retire all alcohol of their markets will control the high rates of violence. However, there are other types of drugs to consume. The Government should improve their campaigns about drugs abuse, while people should understand the real consequences of drugs abuse and be responsible for their attitudes. It is evident and scientifically attested that drinks can modify the mental state; in other words, the concentration of human beings. Indeed, if people abuse this kind of substance, they feel more encouraged to be more violent and commit crimes. Nevertheless, banning alcohol from markets, parties is useless due to the fact that there are other kinds of drugs in the underground market. They exist everywhere and for a long time. Moreover, people need to find out their own limits. It is not a substance that will define the character of a person, definitively. People can use alcohol or other narcotics, but these will not construct their ethos. For instance, some people are violent and commit crimes utterly free of drugs. I would suggest as a possible solution that Government, instead of ban alcohol, it should make campaigns about drug abuse, including alcohol. It also could invest in wholesome entertainment, like theatre spectacles and musical concerts in order to captivate the population's minds. To sum up, it is crucial to face alcohol abuse as a real problem. Although we can not just take our eyes off the problem, just banning it. The Government should improve the kinds of entertainment for its citizens, while spread the knowledge about the responsibilities and consequences of using mental modifiers substances.
In the more violent cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that retire all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
of their markets will control the high rates of violence.
However
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
to consume. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their campaigns about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should understand the real consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
and be responsible for their attitudes.

It is evident and
scientifically
attested that drinks can modify the mental state; in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the concentration of human beings.
Indeed
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
this kind of substance, they feel more encouraged to be more violent and commit crimes.
Nevertheless
, banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
from markets, parties is useless due to the fact that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
in the underground market. They exist everywhere and for a long time.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to find out their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
limits. It is not a substance that will define the character of a person,
definitively
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
narcotics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these will not construct their ethos.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are violent and commit crimes
utterly
free of drugs.

I would suggest as a possible solution that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
,
instead
of ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
, it should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
campaigns about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
. It
also
could invest in wholesome entertainment, like
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
spectacles and musical concerts in order to captivate the population's minds.

To sum up, it is crucial to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abuse
as a real problem. Although we can not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
take our eyes off the problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
banning it. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the kinds of entertainment for its citizens, while spread the knowledge about the responsibilities and consequences of using mental modifiers substances.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solutions can you suggest? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts