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Many countries are still facing problems regarding a huge population. To control the ever increasing population many people believe that Government can control the population through taxes. v.1

Many countries are still facing problems regarding a huge population. To control the ever increasing population many people believe that Government can control the population through taxes. v. 1
It is true that the population increases tremendously in many countries in these days, and this causes different types of problems in the earth. That is why many people believe that government should augment the taxes to the family, who has the more children than the certain number. While I accept this policy may have some detrimental effects on the human life, I believe it is more auspicious than harmful. On the one hand, there are some good reasons why increasing taxes can bring some inconveniences to the people. Firstly, people have their own choice and right because they are independent and free to adopt any decision about their personal life; so, no one can influence them. Secondly, the difference between the rich and poor would be increased in the sense that the richer people may take the children above a certain amount through their money. This could result in immense embarrassment to the rich and poor people. Finally, governments may apply the alternative solution to control the population such as the advertisement, education, free contraception device and so on, which are maybe more substantial. Thus, it is clear that this idea has some drawbacks. On the other hand, increasing tax is one of the most efficient ways in which the state can easily control the population. All regimes have the full authority to take any useful decision about their country when the government faces any practical problem. Moreover, if the government takes this intensive decision to raise the tax, the people of the country will discourage to take more children. As an example, since the government of China has already applied this method, they are now successful in controlling the over slums. Therefore, this instance makes it clear that the administration can manage the overpopulation through this significant action. In conclusion, governments have the power to take necessary steps to prevent the excess population. In my opinion, the tremendous amenity of increasing taxes is one of the best solutions to control the slums.
It is true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
increases
tremendously
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in these days, and this causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of problems in the earth.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should augment the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to the family, who has the more children than the certain number. While I accept this policy may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental effects on the human life, I believe it is more auspicious than harmful.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reasons why increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inconveniences to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice and right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are independent and free to adopt any decision about their personal life;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, no one can influence them.
Secondly
, the difference between the rich and poor would
be increased
in the sense that the richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may take the children above a certain amount through their money. This could result in immense embarrassment to the rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
may apply the alternative solution to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
such as the advertisement, education, free contraception device and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which are maybe more substantial.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

On the other hand
, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
is one of the most efficient ways in which the state can
easily
control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. All regimes have the full authority to take any useful decision about their country when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
faces any practical problem.
Moreover
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes this intensive decision to raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the country will discourage to take more children. As an example, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of China has already applied this method, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
successful in controlling the over slums.
Therefore
, this instance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the administration can manage the overpopulation through this significant action.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have the power to take necessary steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. In my opinion, the tremendous amenity of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
is one of the best solutions to control the slums.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Many countries are still facing problems regarding a huge population. To control the ever increasing population many people believe that Government can control the population through taxes. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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