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Many employees are now required to wear a uniform as part of their company policy and this has many significant advantages. What is your viewpoint on this issue? Do the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Many employees are now required to wear a uniform as part of their company policy and this has many significant advantages. What is your viewpoint on this issue? Do the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
One of the rules of a certain institution is the necessity of their employees to wear a company's designated clothes since the dawn of time. Throughout the history, employees have been wearing a uniform of their organisations. However, wearing a uniform has pros and cons as I will now discuss in this essay. It is believed that wearing a uniform can improve confidence and detects intruders. Firstly, wearing company clothes can improve employee's self-confidence. For instance, I was a very shy lady before I was hired as an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse in a tertiary level and the private hospital called the Urdaneta Sacred Heart Hospital situated in Pangasinan, Philippines. As time passed at my working area with my colleagues, now I confidently do my duties. Secondly, trespassers and burglars alike can easily notice such as in the Philippine military field situated in Loakan, Baguio City where a hostile NPA (New People's Army), a militant group of the country, has been captured for spying the troops of the nation. These are some of the benefits of having a uniform. On the other hand, a company clothes can hinder performance and sense of individuality might be lost. For one, in a tropical country like mine, wearing a thick uniform is unnecessary. For example, the chief of exclusive restaurants in the country has layered by layered white uniforms which inappropriate in their work area and can make their cooking less palatable. In addition to this, because of same designated institutional clothes, a sense of individuality will be lost. One situation is in the hospital where I am working, all are wearing white clothes especially for us nurses with the same hairdo in a white dress, stockings and caps on top of our heads, so we cannot be easily distinguished by our workmates and our supervisors. In conclusion, wearing uniforms can enhance confidence and noticed detractors easily, but it can also lessen the quality of work performance, as well as the sense of uniqueness, might be lost. So this has advantages and disadvantages. However, I certainly believe that having a uniform has more good things than those of the drawbacks.
One of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of a certain institution is the necessity of their employees to wear a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's designated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
since the dawn of time. Throughout the history, employees have been wearing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
.
However
, wearing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
has pros and cons as I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
discuss in this essay.

It
is believed
that wearing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
confidence and detects intruders.
Firstly
, wearing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
employee's self-confidence.
For instance
, I was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
shy lady
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I
was hired
as an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse in a tertiary level and the private hospital called the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Urdaneta
Sacred Heart Hospital situated in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pangasinan
, Philippines. As time passed at my working area with my colleagues,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I
confidently
do my duties.
Secondly
, trespassers and burglars alike can
easily
notice such as in the Philippine military field situated in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Loakan
, Baguio City where a hostile NPA (New
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's Army), a militant group of the country, has
been captured
for spying the troops of the nation. These are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
benefits of having a uniform.

On the other hand
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
can hinder performance and sense of individuality might
be lost
. For one, in a tropical country like mine, wearing a thick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
is unnecessary.
For example
, the chief of exclusive restaurants in the country has layered by layered white
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
which inappropriate in their work area and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their cooking less palatable.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of same designated institutional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, a sense of individuality will
be lost
. One situation is in the hospital where I am working, all are wearing white
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
especially
for us nurses with the same hairdo in a white dress, stockings and caps on top of our heads,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we cannot be
easily
distinguished by our workmates and our supervisors.

In conclusion
, wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
can enhance confidence and noticed detractors
easily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
lessen the quality of work performance,
as well
as the sense of uniqueness, might
be lost
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this has advantages and disadvantages.
However
, I
certainly
believe that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
has more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things than those of the drawbacks.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Many employees are now required to wear a uniform as part of their company policy and this has many significant advantages. What is your viewpoint on this issue? Do the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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