Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Studies suggest that the rise in the consumption of junk foods is the major cause of obesity. Some people argue that this problem can be tackled to a great extent by increasing the price of food items. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Studies suggest that the rise in the consumption of junk foods is the major cause of obesity. Some people argue that this problem can be tackled to a great extent by increasing the price of food items. v. 5
Many people think that the rising cause of obesity is due to eating fast food but others think that increasing obesity problems can be resolved by changing the real price of the food items. In my opinion, I agree with the idea of inflating the cost of such commodities to deal with obesity and the supporting points will be discussed in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, the affordability of junk food is the major concern which is leading to obesity. Firstly, fast food in the markets is now available at very low prices which are easily accessible by the children and adults. People prefer to eat this food in the markets instead of eating healthy food. The only solution to deal with this is to increase the price of items twice to the real price. For instance, if Burger is available at Rs 200, increasing its price to Rs 400 will think people to invest this bucks in the healthy food instead of buying the only burger. Besides, artificial sweeteners in junk food are also a concern. Not only, the consumption of fast food products is the only reason to increase the food price but also there is some food which has some artificial sweeteners in soaring amount. This type of food helps in accumulating excess fat in the liver which in later stages lead to obesity due to abnormal metabolism. Inflating the amount of these products will lead to less consumption. For example, the survey done by the Indian Times newspaper has shown that children who are eating junk food which has artificial sweeteners are obese at the age of 15. In conclusion, to tackle with this, high prices can be an effective way to discourage the consumption of fast foods. In fact, if countries put this idea into practice, there will be fewer fat people around.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the rising cause of obesity is due to eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that increasing obesity problems can
be resolved
by changing the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of inflating the cost of such commodities to deal with obesity and the supporting points will
be discussed
in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the affordability of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the major concern which is leading to obesity.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the markets is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
which are
easily
accessible by the children and adults.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
prefer to eat this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the markets
instead
of eating healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
solution to deal with this is to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
of items twice to the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
.
For instance
, if Burger is available at Rs 200, increasing its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
to Rs 400 will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to invest this bucks in the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of buying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
burger.

Besides
, artificial sweeteners in junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are
also
a concern. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
, the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
reason to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
artificial sweeteners in soaring amount. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in accumulating excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in the liver which in later stages lead to obesity due to abnormal metabolism. Inflating the amount of these products will lead to less consumption.
For example
, the survey done by the Indian Times newspaper has shown that children who are eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which has artificial sweeteners are obese at the age of 15.

In conclusion
, to tackle with this, high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
can be an effective way to discourage the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. In fact, if countries put this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
into practice, there will be fewer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Studies suggest that the rise in the consumption of junk foods is the major cause of obesity. Some people argue that this problem can be tackled to a great extent by increasing the price of food items. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts