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One of the consequences of improved technology is that many jobs that used to be done by people can know be completed by robots or computers. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

One of the consequences of improved technology is that many jobs that used to be done by people can know be completed by robots or computers. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Robotic and computer technologies have increasingly being used in various fields due to accurate results. That' s why it takes some people' jobs these days. However, the question of whether the advantages of these technologies outweigh the disadvantages is arguably the most contentious issue. This essay aims to explore the benefits and drawbacks for utilizing such technologies in further detail and before coming to a conclusion. To begin with, there is no doubt that technologies have facilitated a plethora of things and conspicuously enhanced the quality of individuals life. Firstly, most of the companies nowadays employed the computer technologies in their daily basis. For instance, the majority of nowadays communications between plenty of organizations and their clients are made through emails or video calls. secondly, it' s irrefutable that computers or even robotics provide accurate information and perform extremely complicated tasks with very precise performance. For example, surgical robotic procedures are the best option for most of the surgeons especially in very hard cases due to the high accuracy that it offers. However, there are some negative impacts on using technology. First of all, it' s a machinery device, so, there is high possibilities to be down. Take the most airplane crashes as an example, the main reason of several tragedies accidents is an error at the airplane' computers. Second of all, these technologies have raised the unemployment rate in many nations who are relying mainly on these technologies. Saudi Arabia as an example started replacing most of their daily works into computer ones. This in fact, makes some occupations unnecessary such as paper messengers workers and many other positions. To sum up, in spite of using technology might affect cost many workers their position, I personally think its extremely hard to live without it, as it helps us in different fields such as medical and transportation. Thus, I really thing that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Robotic and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have
increasingly
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in various fields due to accurate results.
Possible spelling mistake found.
That&
#039; s why it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; jobs these days.
However
,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
the advantages of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
outweigh the disadvantages is
arguably
the most contentious issue. This essay aims to explore the benefits and drawbacks for utilizing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in
further
detail and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have facilitated a plethora of things and
conspicuously
enhanced the quality of individuals life.
Firstly
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
nowadays employed the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in their daily basis.
For instance
, the majority of nowadays communications between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of organizations and their clients
are made
through emails or video calls.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s irrefutable that computers or even robotics provide accurate information and perform
extremely
complicated tasks with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
precise performance.
For example
, surgical robotic procedures are the best option for most of the surgeons
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
cases due to the high accuracy that it offers.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s a machinery device,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, there is high possibilities to be down. Take the most airplane crashes as an example, the main reason of several tragedies accidents is an error at the
Possible spelling mistake found.
airplane&
#039; computers. Second of all, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have raised the unemployment rate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations who are relying
mainly
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. Saudi Arabia as an example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
replacing most of their daily works into computer ones. This in fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
occupations unnecessary such as paper messengers workers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other positions.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
might affect cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
workers their position, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without it, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields such as medical and transportation.
Thus
, I
really
Did you mean the verb "think"?
thing
that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
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Rumi

IELTS essay One of the consequences of improved technology is that many jobs that used to be done by people can know be completed by robots or computers. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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