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Many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are advantages and disadvantages? Give your own opinion. v.2

Many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are advantages and disadvantages? Give your own opinion. v. 2
It can be observed that most people find it more convenient to lease a house instead of purchasing a property for their accommodation. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of renting. For many working individuals who are continually seeking better opportunities, they choose to stay in a rented place so that they can be able to move easier when they need to. Likewise, buying a house requires a significant amount of money, which often involves the need to pay association dues when it is located in the subdivision. The exorbitant price spending for acquiring houses is not practical when a person would need to relocate and cannot live there for a longer period of time. In that case, renting is more advantageous considering the availability and easy access as well to repair and maintenance service when needed. Tenants would just need to inform their landlords, who normally are responsible to handle the concerns and to contact the service provider. On the other hand, the cash outflow from renting are all considered expenses, while expenditures of buying a house are assets and can be an investment when the person lease the house in the long run. Another detriment of renting is tenants are generally not allowed to change the interior of the house and there are limits as to what appliances to use and have restrictions on certain parts of the house. For example, using gas stoves is not allowed because it may easily cause fire for being negligent. In addition to that, landlords would not allow to use the balcony for drying clothes due to subdivision policies among homeowners, hence, tenants should follow as well. To summarize, the convenience of living in a rented house for a short period is a major advantage while the disadvantages are the restrictions imposed by using the property and the cash outlay for renting have no future financial benefits.
It can
be observed
that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it more convenient to lease a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
instead
of purchasing a property for their accommodation. This essay will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of renting.

For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
working individuals who are
continually
seeking better opportunities, they choose to stay in a rented place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
easier when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to.
Likewise
, buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
requires a significant amount of money, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
involves the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to pay association dues when it
is located
in the subdivision. The exorbitant price spending for acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
is not practical when a person would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to relocate and cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there for a longer period of time.
In that case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
is more advantageous considering the availability and easy access
as well
to repair and maintenance service when needed. Tenants would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to inform their landlords, who
normally
are responsible to handle the concerns and to contact the service provider.

On the other hand
, the cash outflow from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
are all considered expenses, while expenditures of buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
are assets and can be an investment when the person
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "leases".
lease
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
in the long run. Another detriment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
is tenants are
generally
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the interior of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
and there are limits as to what appliances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and have restrictions on certain parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
For example
, using gas stoves is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may
easily
cause fire for being negligent.
In addition
to that, landlords would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the balcony for drying clothes due to subdivision policies among homeowners,
hence
, tenants should follow
as well
.

To summarize
, the convenience of living in a rented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
for a short period is a major advantage while the disadvantages are the restrictions imposed by using the property and the cash outlay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renting
have no future financial benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are advantages and disadvantages? Give your own opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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