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Many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v.1

Many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v. 1
Technology has become an inextricable part of human lives. In this regard, many children are provided with mobile phones personally which can be beneficial in terms of their storage. However, the repercussion of this trend is definitely disadvantageous with respect to academic performance. This essay will describe the merits and demerits of the mobile phone usage at a very young age. The primary benefit of mobile phones is that it could provide a provision of storing the digital copies of books provide a provision of storing the digital copies of books. Due to this, they can access their subject-related contents at their convenient location. For example, they can store printable version of their books in order to refer in their classrooms. Moreover, this would circumvent the necessity of carrying books along with them. It is thus understandable that mobile phones have benefits in the children’s education. Despite the advantages mentioned above, there are also downsides which could prove potentially deleterious to children. Due to the freedom of accessing mobile phones, they could get distracted by playing games or online videos. For instance, it is an acceptable fact that even basic mobiles have a provision of video games which could distract young minds. As a result, this would impact their studies if they would be so inclined towards leisure activities that mobile phones offer. To conclude, though there is also a potential merit in providing mobile phones to the children which can be helpful in placing the educational contents, there are also negative aspect corresponding to their academic performance.
Technology has become an inextricable part of human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are provided
with mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
personally
which can be beneficial in terms of their storage.
However
, the repercussion of this trend is definitely disadvantageous with respect to academic performance. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the merits and demerits of the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
usage at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.

The primary benefit of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is that it could provide a provision of storing the digital copies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
provide a provision of storing the digital copies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Due to this, they can access their subject-related contents at their convenient location.
For example
, they can store printable version of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in order to refer in their classrooms.
Moreover
, this would circumvent the necessity of carrying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
along with them. It is
thus
understandable that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have benefits in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
education.

Despite the advantages mentioned above, there are
also
downsides which could prove
potentially
deleterious to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Due to the freedom of accessing mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted by playing games or online videos.
For instance
, it is an acceptable fact that even basic mobiles have a provision of video games which could distract young minds.
As a result
, this would impact their studies if they would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
inclined towards leisure activities that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
offer.

To conclude
, though there is
also
a potential merit in providing mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which can be helpful in placing the educational contents, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect corresponding to their academic performance.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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