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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for you v.60

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem. with this statement? Give reasons for you v. 60
We cannot deny the fact that many school going children these days eat unhygienic food. In my opinion, the problem is caused mainly by lack of attendance at home and in school. Therefore, I agree that the family as well as the school administration should share the blame and do to improve the situation. First of all, it is the responsibility of our family to teach the importance of healthy and hygienic food to their sons and daughters from their childhood. Every child should be made aware of the positive and negative consequences of eating good and bad food. In addition to it, parents should find time to prepare and provide nutritious food to their kin and kith. At present, the parents do not have enough time to spend with their children. Because of the heavy workload or being out of the home most of the time, parents are unable to cook and feed healthy dishes to their children. This has created havoc in the health of child. On the other hand, school administration should step in such situations to avoid the problem. Since many young boys and girls spend a lot of time at school, health education should be made part of their curriculum. The teachers can closely observe the students and will be able to identify the children at risks due to unhealthy eating habits. Schools, for instance, can create a concept of mid-day meals, and provide healthy and nutritious diet to their students. In my opinion, by doing so, schools will help to resolve the problem to certain extent. To sum up, I would like to restate my opinion by emphasizing the fact that both family and learning centers should play its part to mitigate the damage caused by unhealthy food consumption.
We cannot deny the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days eat unhygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. In my opinion, the problem
is caused
mainly
by lack of attendance at home and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the family
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
administration should share the blame and do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is the responsibility of our family to teach the importance of healthy and hygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to their sons and daughters from their childhood. Every child should
be made
aware of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of eating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
In addition
to it, parents should find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to prepare and provide nutritious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to their kin and kith. At present, the parents do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the heavy workload or being out of the home most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, parents are unable to cook and feed healthy dishes to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This has created havoc in the health of child.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
administration should step in such situations to avoid the problem. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young boys and girls spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, health education should
be made
part of their curriculum. The teachers can
closely
observe the students and will be able to identify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
due to unhealthy eating habits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
,
for instance
, can create a concept of mid-day meals, and provide healthy and nutritious diet to their students. In my opinion, by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to resolve the problem to certain extent.

To sum up, I would like to restate my opinion by emphasizing the fact that both family and learning centers should play its part to mitigate the damage caused by unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem. with this statement? Give reasons for you v. 60

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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