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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem. with this statement? v. 1
The issue of children’s health in recent days remains controversial. One of most remarkable factors that cause their higher level of unhealthiness is their unwholesome lifestyle. However, while some people share the belief that children theirselves have to deal with this problem, I totally agree the idea both parents and schools take the responsibility for it. Some reasons supporting my opinion will be under indication with the scope of this writing. On one hand, parents are those who take main responsibility for children’s growth and maturity without a doubt. The first reason for it is that parents’ ways of teaching their children have influence on the young’s lifestyle. For example, some Vietnamese parents who regular spend whole day earning money tend to let their children self-educate, self-grow. They just give the young some money for entire day and come to work. As a consequence, what they eat and drink everyday can lead to their sickness. Even if that young people eat unnutrient food such as chese, fat, sugar, junk food and alcohol is not prevented, unfortunately it can become their habbits. The second reason is that children’s activities are mirror of parents’ ones because the young usually have a tend to follow what adults do. A son can follow his father to get drunk, a daughther can follow her mother’s staying up late. If adults do not take care of theirselves, their children will ignore health as well. On the other hand, schools also are in charge of dealing with this problem. Firstly, children easily get affected by their educative environment. They are not old enough to know what is right and what is wrong. For instance, a boy can copy his bad friends to smoke, which leads him to some respiratory illnesses. Secondly, regulations in schools have troubles. The time getting started first period is too early for students to get to schools on time. As a result, students usually get drowsy in classes and do not focus on lessons. Not only does it have influence on their knowledge, but leads them to an unhealthiness lifestyle. To sum up, both parents and schools contribute to build children’s lifestyle. Leading the young to wholesome lifestyle helps them not just to raise their awareness of health but shape their future life.
The issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health in recent days remains controversial. One of most remarkable factors that cause their higher level of unhealthiness is their unwholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
share the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with this problem, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
take the responsibility for it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
reasons supporting my opinion will be under indication with the scope of this writing.

On one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are those who take main responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth and maturity without a doubt. The
first
reason for it is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
ways of teaching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a regular".
who regular
spend whole day earning money tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
self-educate, self-grow. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money for entire day and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to work. As a consequence, what they eat and drink
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
can lead to their sickness. Even if that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
eat
Possible spelling mistake found.
unnutrient
food such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
chese
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, sugar, junk food and alcohol is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
, unfortunately it can become their
Possible spelling mistake found.
habbits
. The second reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
activities are mirror of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
usually
have
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'tend' is correct. If 'tend' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a tend
to follow what adults do. A son can follow his father to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
drunk, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
daughther
can follow her mother’s staying up late. If adults do not take care of
Possible spelling mistake found.
theirselves
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
health
as well
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
also
are in charge of dealing with this problem.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their educative environment. They are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to know what is right and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
For instance
, a boy can copy his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
friends to smoke, which leads him to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
respiratory illnesses.
Secondly
, regulations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have troubles. The time getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
first
period is too early for students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
on time.
As a result
, students
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
drowsy in classes and do not focus on lessons. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it have influence on their knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
leads them to an unhealthiness lifestyle.

To sum up, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
contribute to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Leading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to wholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to raise their awareness of health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
shape their future life.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are equally responsible for solving this problem. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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