Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many children are forced to stay at school and study subjects that will be of little value to them in the future. These children may disrupt the education of the majority and should be allowed to leave school early to find themselves a job. v.1

Many children are forced to stay at school and study subjects that will be of little value to them in the future. These children may disrupt the education of the majority and should be allowed to leave school early to find themselves a job. v. 1
Should schools allow some students to leave early has been a heated debate all over the world. Some argue that students with little interest in the subjects they are learning can choose to leave school for work. However, in my opinion, these potentially disengaged students should not be allowed to leave school early as this will result in a detrimental effect on their life, and there are better solutions to this problem. Encouraging students to leave school early will inevitably lead to negative impact on both their personal and later work life. First of all, it will be almost impossible for students to make friends at their age and they are more likely to feel isolated emotionally and socially as a result of leaving school early. Secondly, dropping off school means students will not be able to receive the proper certificate of successfully completing the compulsory studies, making it extremely hard for them to land a position in a competitive workforce. In addition, students are not allowed to leave school until they reach a certain age, for example, in Australia, the legal leaving school age is 17. Thereby, it is not acceptable to allow students to leave school without finishing the required studies and reaching the legal age. Even though students who find learning certain subjects less interesting may disrupt the class, this does not justify allowing them to leave school for work. Teachers can better engage students by making the subject learning more relevant to student life. For example, when teaching math concepts, teachers can incorporate more real-life activities include calculating car payment or creating a budget. In this way, students are able to see how the subject connects with their life and consequently pay more attention to it. Alternatively, schools can provide more options for students to finish their Year 12. In addition to regular studies in the classroom, there should be more hands-on learning for students to gain practical skills and work experience. Therefore, students should not be allowed to leave school early without finishing the compulsory schoolwork. In conclusion, it is not reasonable to allow students to leave school early if they are temporarily disengaged in class as this will be harmful to their later life personally and professionally.
Should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
has been a heated debate all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
can choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
However
, in my opinion, these
potentially
disengaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as this will result in a detrimental effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and there are better solutions to this problem.

Encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
will
inevitably
lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on both their personal and later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it will be almost impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends at their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
age and
they are more likely to feel isolated
emotionally
and
socially
as a result
of leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
.
Secondly
, dropping off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not be able to receive the proper certificate of
successfully
completing the compulsory studies, making it
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to land a position in a competitive workforce.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
until they reach a certain age,
for example
, in Australia, the legal leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
age is 17. Thereby, it is not acceptable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
without finishing the required studies and reaching the legal age.

Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
less interesting may disrupt the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, this does not justify allowing them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Teachers can better engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
more relevant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, when teaching math concepts, teachers can incorporate more real-life activities include calculating car payment or creating a budget. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
connects with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
consequently
pay more attention to it.
Alternatively
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can provide more options for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to finish their Year 12.
In addition
to regular studies in the classroom, there should be more hands-on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gain practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
without finishing the compulsory schoolwork.

In conclusion
, it is not reasonable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
if they are
temporarily
disengaged in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as this will be harmful to their later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
personally
and
professionally
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
61Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Many children are forced to stay at school and study subjects that will be of little value to them in the future. These children may disrupt the education of the majority and should be allowed to leave school early to find themselves a job. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts