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Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so? v.6

Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so? v. 6
In today's fast pace of the world, everyone in a family should work to run a moderate life, to withstand a place in the fast development of the economy. To run in this race, the children also earning in name of a part-time job with the support of their parents. This will make an added income to the family and it is easy for them to get into the next level, in the society, but there will be some drawbacks. To begin with the benefits, the child will earn an added income to the family and they can use to purchase their day-to-day items. By doing so, the money earning by the parents can be saved more in the future development of their life. Moreover, this can make the family start to live a lavish and posh lifestyle. For example, in a middle-class family, the added income can be used to grow the family status and reach into an upper-class status, which means the income is getting high so the level of standard is reaching high. In addition, the children can learn the life lessons when they expose to the outside world and know the hurdles in living life. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages when the youngster goes for a part-time job. Firstly, the studies of the children will be affected when they go at work because the human mind will have an attitude to earn more money when started to see money on their hands. Secondly, they would have less energy when they reach home because of their work. So, it is difficult for them to concentrate on their studies after work. Finally, by spending more time in the work place and study place, there is no time to being with family and the bond between them will reduce. To recapitulate, there are some plus points to work as part-time for children, while the negative points over-lapped these positive points. The youngster has to study first, and then they have to work.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace of the world, everyone in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to run a moderate life, to withstand a place in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
development of the economy. To run in this race, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
earning in name of a part-time job with the support of their parents. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and it is easy for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the
next
level, in the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the benefits, the child will earn an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their day-to-day items. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the money earning by the parents can
be saved
more in the future development of their life.
Moreover
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a lavish and posh lifestyle.
For example
, in a middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to grow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
status and reach into an upper-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
status, which means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
is getting high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the level of standard is reaching high.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn the life lessons when they expose to the outside world and know the hurdles in living life.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages when the youngster goes for a part-time job.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
when they go at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the human mind will have an attitude to earn more money when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
money on their hands.
Secondly
, they would have less energy when they reach home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is difficult for them to concentrate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Finally
, by spending more time in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
place, there is no time to being with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the bond between them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

To recapitulate, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plus points to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as part-time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, while the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points over-lapped these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points. The youngster
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
first
, and then they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages to children of doing so? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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