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Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantage to children of doing so? v.8

Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantage to children of doing so? v. 8
Many parents inspire their children to work during their leisure time. Although an after-school job seems like an excellent approach to use free time, this trend bears some negative impacts. This essay will discuss both merits and demerits of getting a part-time job after school hours. One of the advantages of a part-time job is that it will give children a real life work experience. Additionally, it will help them to gain work skills such as how to complete a job application, how to do well in interviews, and how to work for a supervisor. According to a survey conducted by the University of California, the majority of teenagers who used to work after school is getting hired by companies quicker than teenagers who have not had any work experience. Therefore, having work experience during the educational years will not only show that students have some exposure to the professional world, but also it will give them an advantage over their peers while job-hunting. Nevertheless, there are certain drawbacks to doing a part-time job. For example, while working, students will not have adequate time to study and finish school-related homework because they will be exhausted, and they will need time to get rest. Thus, being busy with a job while learning might have a negative impact on studying. Moreover, children who have a part-time job might lose interest in future studies. When young people get financial freedom at such a tender age, they might start to neglect their studies, and they may get deviated by temporary financial security. In conclusion, part-time jobs during academic years might offer some benefits to young people; however, the negative impacts of working at a young age can not be overlooked. Students should be discouraged from acquiring a job if it might affect their studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents inspire their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Although an after-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seems like an excellent approach to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, this trend bears
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts. This essay will discuss both merits and demerits of getting a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after school hours.

One of the advantages of a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is that it will give children a real life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience.
Additionally
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as how to complete a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
application, how to do well in interviews, and how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a supervisor. According to a survey conducted by the University of California, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after school is getting hired by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
quicker than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who have not had any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience.
Therefore
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience during the educational years will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that students have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exposure to the professional world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it will give them an advantage over their peers while job-hunting.

Nevertheless
, there are certain drawbacks to doing a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, while working, students will not have adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and finish school-related homework
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
be exhausted
, and they will need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rest.
Thus
, being busy with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on studying.
Moreover
, children who have a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lose interest in future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. When young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
financial freedom at such a tender age, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, and they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deviated by temporary financial security.

In conclusion
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
during academic years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
;
however
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of working at a young age can not
be overlooked
. Students should
be discouraged
from acquiring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
if it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time. What are the advantages and disadvantage to children of doing so? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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