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Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunize their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunize their children? v.8

Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunize their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunize their children? v. 8
The general argument is that parents know what is best for their children but this is not always the case. For example, there are still many parents who choose not to vaccinate their children. While some people argue that parents should have the option to opt out of child vaccination programmes, I believe that the government should make it illegal for parents not to immunize their children. Of course, not every child is a candidate for vaccines and some exceptions should be made. Some kids are born physically weaker than other kids. For this reason, their parents should consult medical experts prior to getting their children immunized to prevent unwanted side effects. For example, children who are diagnosed with some genetic disorders should not be given vaccines that can cause more harm than good. Next, isolated tribes that are cut from the outside world should also be exempt from vaccinations. For instance, the Amazonians are living in the deep jungle of Brazil and they have no contacts with outsiders; hence, they are not exposed to many diseases that typically affect children. As a result, modern vaccines are deemed unnecessary for these people who live in isolation. On the other hand, since the vast majority of children benefit from vaccination, it is the duty of the government to ensure that they have access to it. One way of achieving this is to make it compulsory for parents to immunize their children. This will not only ensure that children are given the best possible protection against incurable illnesses, but also help to prevent the spread of some diseases. For example, polio has been successfully eradicated due to government intervention that made polio vaccination compulsory in the 1950’s. In many parts of the world, there are still parents who choose not to provide vaccinations to their children because of superstitions and various socio-religious reasons. Making vaccinations mandatory is the only way to ensure that all kids have access to lifesaving shots. The government should also make vaccination certificates mandatory for admission to schools. In conclusion, vaccinations help save lives and the only way to ensure that all kids have access to them is to make it a legal requirement. Of course, children should be exempted from receiving vaccinations in cases where the downsides of receiving the shots outweigh the benefits.
The general argument is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know what is best for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is not always the case.
For example
, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose not to vaccinate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should have the option to opt out of child vaccination
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it illegal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
not to immunize their children.

Of course
, not every child is a candidate for vaccines and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions should
be made
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are born
physically
weaker than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
For this reason
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should consult medical experts prior to getting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
immunized to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
unwanted side effects.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are diagnosed
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
genetic disorders should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
vaccines that can cause more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Next
, isolated tribes that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
from the outside world should
also
be exempt from vaccinations.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amazonians
are living in the deep jungle of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Brazil and
they have no contacts with outsiders;
hence
, they are not exposed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases that
typically
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, modern vaccines
are deemed
unnecessary for these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in isolation.

On the other hand
, since the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
benefit from vaccination, it is the duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
that they have access to it. One way of achieving this is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it compulsory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to immunize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the best possible protection against incurable illnesses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the spread of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases.
For example
, polio has been
successfully
eradicated due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
intervention that made polio vaccination compulsory in the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1950s".
1950’s
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world, there are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose not to provide vaccinations to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of superstitions and various
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-religious
reasons. Making vaccinations mandatory is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have access to lifesaving shots. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
vaccination certificates mandatory for admission to schools.

In conclusion
, vaccinations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ensure
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have access to them is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it a legal requirement.
Of course
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be exempted
from receiving vaccinations in cases where the downsides of receiving the shots outweigh the benefits.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunize their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunize their children? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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