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Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? v.4

Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? v. 4
The question of whether we should oblige parents to immunise their children against common diseases is a social rather than a medical one. Since we are free to choose what we eat or drink or how much exercise we take, why should the medical treatment we decide to undergo be any different? Medical researchers and governments are primarily interested in overall statistics and trends and in money-saving schemes, which fail to take into consideration the individual's concerns and rights. While immunisation against diseases such as tetanus and whooping cough may be effective, little information is released about the harmful effects of vaccinations, which can sometimes result in growth problems in children or even death. The body is designed to resist disease and to create its own natural immunity through contact with that disease. When children are given artificial immunity, we create a vulnerable society, which is entirely dependent on immunisation. In the event that mass immunisation programmes were to cease, the society as a whole would be more at risk than ever before. In addition there is the issue of the rights of the individual. As members of a society, why should we be obliged to subject our children to this potentially harmful practice? Some people may also be against immunisation on religious grounds and their needs must be considered when any decisions are made. For these reasons I feel strongly that immunisation programmes should not be obligatory and that the individual should have the right to choose whether or not to participate.
The question of whether
we should oblige parents to
immunise
their
children
against common
diseases
is a social
rather
than a medical one. Since we are free to choose what we eat or drink or how much exercise we take, why should the medical treatment we decide to undergo be any
different
?

Medical researchers and
governments
are
primarily
interested in
overall
statistics and trends and in money-saving schemes, which fail to take into consideration the individual's concerns and rights. While
immunisation
against
diseases
such as tetanus and whooping cough may be effective,
little
information
is released
about the harmful effects of vaccinations, which can
sometimes
result in growth problems in
children
or even death.

The body
is designed
to resist
disease
and to create its
own
natural immunity through contact with that
disease
. When
children
are
given
artificial immunity, we create a vulnerable society, which is
entirely
dependent on
immunisation
. In the
event
that mass
immunisation
programmes
were to cease, the society as a whole would be more at
risk
than ever
before
.

In
addition
there is the issue of the rights of the individual. As members of a society, why should we
be obliged
to subject our
children
to this
potentially
harmful practice?
Some
people
may
also
be against
immunisation
on religious grounds and their needs
must
be considered
when any decisions
are made
.

For these reasons I feel
strongly
that
immunisation
programmes
should not be obligatory and that the individual should have the right to choose
whether or not
to participate.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
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IELTS essay Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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