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TV is widely used by people all around the world. This device has some negative effects that need to be resolved. Do you agree? Give reasons for your opinion and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

TV is widely used by people all around the world. This device has some negative effects that need to be resolved. Do you agree? Give reasons for your opinion and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1
It is obvious that not only the state must look after the nature, but also each person should take care of it. I completely agree with this statement, because without having healthy surrounding such as fresh air and water, it will be quite difficult to live in this world, and only with co-operative work of the authorities and their citizens this goal may be achieved. To begin with the idea of preserving air from pollution, it should be highlighted that a vast majority of governments around the world have commenced a wide range of green programs, which are set up in order to minimise the detrimental effects of carbon dioxides and other harmful gases to the oxygen. However, if citizens do not tend to assist the government in overcoming this issue, it will be approximately impossible to achieve of preserving air unpolluted. For instance, only when will an individual switch using his or her car which is oil consuming to a car with a solar battery, green programs such as reducing an activity of steel manufacturing and other related companies which are dangerous for the environment will have a greater impact. Moreover, there is another pollution problem related to water contamination, which also need to be considered by the state as well as by their people. It is clear that using water plays an essential role in our daily lives. Besides reducing the air pollution, many states give a precise attention to decreasing water contamination. Like with air pollution, there is also an undeniable responsibility of an individual to preserve this source of the nature. For example, if a person pay more attention to reducing wastage of water and not throwing into it any rubbish, it would be easier to protect water reserves from contamination. To conclude, although the states have a significant impact on preserving water and air unpolluted by setting up green programs, this goal cannot be achieved without dedication of their citizens in terms of reducing water wastage and changing driving habits to less harmful one.
It is obvious that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
look after the nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
each person should take care of it. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without having healthy surrounding such as fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, it will be quite difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in this world, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with co-operative work of the authorities and their citizens this goal may
be achieved
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, it should
be highlighted
that a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
around the world have commenced a wide range of green programs, which
are set
up in order to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the detrimental effects of carbon dioxides and other harmful gases to the oxygen.
However
, if citizens do not tend to assist the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in overcoming this issue, it will be approximately impossible to achieve of preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
unpolluted.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when will an individual switch using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
car which is oil consuming to a car with a solar battery, green programs such as reducing an activity of steel manufacturing and other related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the environment will have a greater impact.

Moreover
, there is another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
problem related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
contamination, which
also
need to
be considered
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
as well
as by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
plays an essential role in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Besides
reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
give a precise attention to decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
contamination. Like with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, there is
also
an undeniable responsibility of an individual to preserve this source of the nature.
For example
, if a person pay more attention to reducing wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and not throwing into it any rubbish, it would be easier to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
reserves from contamination.

To conclude
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
states
have a significant impact on preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
unpolluted by setting up green programs, this goal cannot
be achieved
without dedication of their citizens in terms of reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
wastage and changing driving habits to less harmful one.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TV is widely used by people all around the world. This device has some negative effects that need to be resolved. Do you agree? Give reasons for your opinion and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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