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Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
The computer is changing the way we are having business meetings, discussions and training nowadays, this has many advantages that will reduce the costs and absolutely outweigh the disadvantages such as; no internet connection, incompatible computer hardware. Useful and efficient are two of many advantages in using a computer software to communicate with each others. Imagine, you are a potential candidate of a company and they want to invite you to join an interview, but instead of travel to the company, all you need to do is to use a software, this will allow you to have a meeting online from your home or wherever you feel comfortable. Furthermore, it has many more advantages, for example; this will eliminate society's problems such as; traffic jam, road accident. Even though, it has many advantages, there are also the disadvantages such as; lack of equipments and knowledge, less interaction. However, computer software is spreading and it is becoming more popular everyday, also computer equipments are improving, hence, this will be resolved soon and in the near future we will be able to interact with each other via online meetings. In summary, online meetings are becoming more and more important nowadays, because it is flexible and help in saving the money, moreover, the advantages will outweigh the disadvantages.
The computer is changing the way we are having business meetings, discussions and training nowadays, this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the costs and
absolutely
outweigh the disadvantages such as; no internet connection, incompatible computer hardware.

Useful and efficient are two of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
in using a computer software to communicate with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
. Imagine, you are a potential candidate of a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
company and
they want to invite you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
an interview,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
of travel to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, all you need to do is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a software, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
you to have a meeting online from your home or wherever you feel comfortable.
Furthermore
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
,
for example
; this will eliminate society's problems such as; traffic jam, road accident.

Even though
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
, there are
also
the disadvantages such as; lack of equipments and knowledge, less interaction.
However
, computer software is spreading and it is becoming more popular
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
,
also
computer equipments are improving,
hence
, this will
be resolved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
and in the near future we will be able to interact with each other via online meetings.

In summary, online meetings are becoming more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is flexible and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in saving the money,
moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
will outweigh the disadvantages.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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